Shades Of A 114
My favourite part about this page is the time stamps. Turns out automatic text message generators aren’t available for Anwar’s phone so this is photo shopped via screen shots and then cobbled together in manga studio.
Quick reminder- I’ll be livestreaming the Jamie and Charlie at 1pm today instead of 8, see you in a few hours!
Ouch, I can feel the angst from here, this actually makes me feel a pinch of heartbreak even if I’m not the one gotten breaken up with. Ouch. :(
Being in an LDR, I pay waaaaay too much attention to the timestamps on text messages and chats.
You and me both, Tom. @____@ Those twenty-ish minutes…yeah.
Sometimes it’s torture, isn’t it. Especially in a heavy discussion. :(
Yay for JD. They could have left it at “fine” but didn’t; they just put it out there. Anwar is lucky to have a real friend who has been, and continues to be, honest about how they feel/what they need. Saved the friendship IMO.
Oh my god this is really gross of JD. They both have been falling flat of communication and everything but saying “you lied to me” about something like this is the grossest. Also I really don’t think swearing like calling someone a cunt is any good. You can tell someone that that they hurt you and how much they hurt you but saying it like that just seems childish to me. seriously. I know Anwar was really blunt and rude to them but still calling someone a cunt for talking about how they felt is not okay. Again, say how they hurt you and great of a pain it was, don’t just name call. Gross everywhere. Sadly thought, not realistic. Many stars and A+’s to Tab for depicting this so realistically and not having a clear “good guy” and “bad guy”.
Keep in mind, JD’s HURT. Anwar was NOT civil when discussing his feelings – he made JD take the entire blame, not one considering his part in the miscommunication, and worse of all, told JD their feelings weren’t real. He deliberately hurt JD and tried to justify the situation by making them the bad guy. It’s a little unfair to call JD’ s words “gross” when Anwar acted so selfishly. Very few could be the bigger person after that. I certainly wouldn’t.
Also, I get the impression that is the way JD talks. I personally don’t care to hear that kind of crudeness, but a lot of people say stuff like that without a second thought. Different strokes…
Well, regardless of what you think of JD’s other words, calling someone a gendered slur IS seriously gross. It’s worse than gross, really, but there are no words to convey how contemptible that language is. I have officially lost all my sympathy for JD; they may have been CAFAB but that does not give them a pass to use bigoted slurs aimed at putting women down. Anwar acted terribly there is NO excuse for using the c-word to insult someone.
I hate that word as well (as well as words like ‘bitch’ used in negative contexts), but as Johndar said, it does have a very different context in Britain, and I think that should be considered.
Reminds me of the debate about the word “spaz”. Very offensive in the UK, relatively innocuous slang in the US. I hate the “c” word as well, but I get the culture differences of language differences.
NO. STOP.
The c-word is used as an insult IN EVERY ENGLISH SPEAKING NATION ***BECAUSE*** it refers to a vagina and therefore is associated in most people’s minds with women. It might be more PREVALENT in Britain and might be SEEN as less harmful BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN IT IS NOT A GENDERED SLUR.
Same goes for the s-slur. IT IS NOT INNOCUOUS. It is an ableist slur that is INCREDIBLY hurtful to people, and just because a subset of USians treat it as such DOES NOT MAKE IT OKAY.
Like, seriously, people here should FUCKING KNOW BETTER. Excusing bigoted language because “it doesn’t mean that here” is shit. It’s on the same level as people saying the b-slur isn’t a slur because they are a woman and they use it, or because they apply it “equally” to their non-women friends.
People need to stop defending oppressive language, full stop.
I don’t think anybody here is excusing the c-word as a slur. It is an insult, nobody here (as far as I know) is disputing that.
People are going to have a difference of opinion as to how offensive or … not offensive certain words are – it’s just how they roll.
Typing in caps and swearing at people that they ‘should FUCKING KNOW BETTER’ is rude and uncalled for. There is no need to insult anybody else’s intelligence just because they do not share your passionate views on slurs/insults.
Do you feel the same about ‘dick’, ‘asshole’, ‘bastard’, ‘douchbag’, ‘jerk’, ‘wanker’, ‘idiot’, ‘dumb’, ‘lame’, ‘gyp’, etc? Are those words also oppressive language? I do get what you’re saying but for me personally I don’t give the words the power they deserve.
After being called every racial slur and gendered slur in the book, I’ve learned to laugh at the people who called me those things. I just shrug and walk away, taking their power away. It was entertaining seeing them get red in the face after they realized that their slurs didn’t bother me and I won’t let them have power over me. I also tend to say “You aren’t smart enough to come up with a better insult other than the obvious ones. Pity.”
But, I do try to curb my language depending on where I am because I try to be tactful. Then there are places where I don’t really care. And yes, cultural differences do make a difference in regards to power.
Yes, the history behind certain words will always be there. That doesn’t mean I have to let it bother me.
This! Thank you for articulating yourself much better than I could’ve xP *gives you a cookie*
I get a cookie? Thank you! :D
Very good points. It is a slippery slope when someone tries to dictate speech/language to others. It is one thing to voice an opinion about something one find’s offensive; it is quite another to tell the public at large they should not use/do/whatever it or swearing at posters on someone else’ website. Not cool IMO.
I disagree with this sentiment because the fact is, if this were referring to certain words, everyone (or most people) would be in agreement that it was in fact not okay. Specifically, if the “n” word was used here, I cannot believe many people would defend it like I’m seeing here. That is language that would be banned in most communities because of how insulting it is and in order to make the communities a safe space for everyone. I don’t understand why sexist and ableist language (among other things) does not get the same treatment. If something is offensive to at least one commenter because they have a minority identity or identify with those in the minority who would find it offensive, then it should really be taken seriously. I’m not saying Tab has to choose to change the language here or anything else, but I definitely don’t think people should be defending the word to someone who was hurt by it. If you don’t agree that it was offensive that’s fine, but to tell someone who finds it offensive “why” it’s not really “that” offensive (or offensive at all) is a really crappy thing to do and further marginalizes the person who was hurt in the first place. That does not make any community feel safe and it’s definitely not want I’d want to see in an otherwise pretty safe-feeling community like this one.
I didn’t really interpret the conversation they had like that at all. One of Anwar’s primary comments expressed a desire to “not disappoint [JD] any further.” I think he internally takes a lot of blame for what happened and sees their incompatibility as his fault for not wanting sex. I do understand why JD would feel most of the blame was put on them though, since he did say that thing about the relationship only being about sex. JD finally knows that Anwar doesn’t like sex, and possibly has been realizing that they failed to get Anwar’s enthusiastic consent (and that there were many times he was just having sex to please JD). That’s my big problem with JD’s response- I think they need to take some responsibility too. They knew Anwar was at least “shy” about sex. They should have checked in well before this, and on purpose (rather than after Anwar asked to watch a movie and cuddle instead of being happy JD offered sexual favors). I think accusing Anwar of lying and putting it all back on him is probably JD’s own defense mechanism for not confronting the fact that they in some ways made Anwar feel very uncomfortable and encouraged him to do things in the relationship that he did not enjoy. That’s a hard realization to have. I’m glad JD went from this to where they are now. They now seem to have a good understanding of enthusiastic consent and the importance of communication. I hope Anwar gets there as well.
“Cunt’ doesn’t have the same implications in Britain as it does in North America , it’s like calling someone a dick. An insult, but not to strong of one.
I agree with this. The word ‘cunt’ is used so often in conversations here in Australia (In argumentative situations to joking between friends to coworkers being annoyed by brain-dead customers) that I’ve become desensitized to it.
I would disagree – where I live in the UK, cunt is a very strong insult, far more so than dick. Maybe it’s regional? I remember Frankie Boyle talking about how it’s used far more freely in Scotland.
It’s definitely thrown about freely in Glasgow, and I’ve noticed that it’s not really seen as such a big deal in Scotland. When I lived in Hampshire (which I think is where Tab is, or close), I think that someone would have looked at you as if you’d killed their firstborn child if you said it.
I’m near Glasgow and it’s more common than “hello”! :)
Actually, the way it’s used here tends to be more like a ‘cuddley’ version if “dickhead”. So…yeah. Vaginas: like penises, but with a sly grin added on.
*shrug* I try not to use gendered slurs, but to be honest, once you start anylising everything is offensive. I mean, ‘fuck’ is offensive because it implies things about sex and thus sexual people; “shit” is offensive to those with a distaste for bodily functions; “fudge” is offensive to sweet lovers who don’t want their favourite treat blemished with evil thought. We all have to draw our own line in the sand and hovver undecidedly over it. ;)
There is a very important difference between insults that call out a minority or marginalized identity (like women, differently abled people, racial minority people, trans* people, etc.) and insults that either call out the majority or just may not be something people think is appropriate. In the first case, the insults have often been used directly against people in those minority or marginalized communities, sometimes along with physical or sexual abuse. These words are steeped in stigma and discrimination and assault and they have deep meanings for many people. These are the types of words that are better not used in communities that want to be open and welcoming to everyone, in my opinion. The other words, however, do not have this same oppressive history. And yet still there are plenty of times when it is widely considered unacceptable to use them (around kids, in a more professional workspace, etc.). If those words can be avoided at certain times, despite not being so steeped in hate, why can’t we avoid using the words that are steeped in hate?
Once again, LoyalWolf, do you get offended if someone says they have been “gyp’d”? What about “idiot” “dumb” or “lame”? All of the above are slurs aimed at a very specific group of very marginalized people. You are, I suspect, particularly angry at this instance, because it is a more recently coined slur, and because you feel its effects personally.
That said, for someone who promotes a safe environment, you are by far the person taking the most aggressive stance, and indeed, attacking people for voicing opinions different than your own.
There is a video, on the internet (gasp) discussing the reclaiming of “negative” words, which I would like to share with you, but alas, I cannot find it- the short version is that if words like “bitch” mean a woman that speaks her mind, etc, treating them as offensive in essence means agreeing that you believe this to be a negative trait, and thus gives the words power. As a white, christian, cis-male (I state all of my advantages upfront, so you may not question them when attacking me later), I have personally, for a long time, refused to be insulted by being called girly, “wussy”, gay, or other casual slurs, because I believe that they are nothing to be ashamed of by virtue of comparison. Just food for thought.
Instead, I leave you with the advice to use some sort of formatting when you rant, because your text blocks are obnoxiously difficult to parse.
@silversith. I’m black, cis-female, pansexual. I find it amazing when some people will basically say “Oppressive language (i.e. dick, douchebag, cock, etc) doesn’t count against the majority.”” Personally, I find that funny.
As I mentioned before, I’ve been called nearly every racist, gender, (and I forgot to mention) homophobic slurs in the book. I learned to not let it bother me. It’s misleading when a group of people say “Don’t say these words.” when members of their own group call each other or even people outside of their group the same words. They can’t have your cake and eat it too.
The words “Nigger” and “Nigga” are some of the biggest offenses of such an idea. Hell, the NAACP “buried” the former word a few years ago, but they’re still prevalent, especially in black culture. If a black person calls me a “nigga” in a sense of comradery, I’m going to roll my eyes. Will I correct them? Nah. That person isn’t hurting me and I understand the context of what that person is saying.
Also, I’ve noticed that (mainly) white people have been replacing “Nigger” with words like “thug”, “gangster”, etc in regards to black people since obviously they can’t say the word without people pitching a fit. Would “thug”, “gangster”, count as oppressive words now? Eh, another topic for another day.
Oh, I won’t jump down anyone’s throat when speaking candidly or having a debate about any slur. In order to have a debate about the words, I feel that the words in question can be said (since this particular environment doesn’t censor the “bad words”).
@Frogger -Thank you! In my humble opinion, yours is the way “tolerance” should be.
Also, damn, forgot to list my sexuality as an advantage I own. Pansexual, but functionally straight, just for the sake of listing it.
Funny. I live in Hampshire and “cunt” is my favourite insult for, well… not people. Inanimate objects are often “cunting *insult here*” and my rabbits are often called “you little cunt” when misbehaving.
That said, while I would (and have) use it as a casual or joke insult, I wouldn’t use it as a serious one. But then again I prefer more personal, and less sweary, insults; so that may say something about the word or about me.
I didn’t think so? To be honest it struck me as a realistic depiction of someone’s reaction in the moment. One of the things I like about Tab’s characters is that they’re realistic; they usually come off as sympathetic in general but they’re certainly not perfect, and no, of course they don’t live up to a model standard of how to communicate. I feel like your standard of how to speak to someone in this situation might be ideal, but it’s not always a standard you can reasonably expect people to live up to. Remember that JD’s upset; and I think they have a right to express that with Anwar. He did, after all, imply that they were only with him for the sex and cut them off when they tried to give their side of things. It was a distressing moment for him but it was still out of line. I can completely see why JD would still be feeling angry and humiliated.
As to the swearing – I get that ‘cunt’ has bad connotations in itself, but I see that as something of a separate issue – sometimes that’s just the norm in certain social circles. I have groups of friends where we throw curse words around all the time and nobody bats an eyelid, although I’ll adjust my use of language depending on the company. To say ‘there’s no need to swear’ when it’s a personal interaction like this sort of comes off like language policing. It wasn’t nice of JD and again, I get that people have issues with the terminology, but I don’t think swearing in itself is really the problem.
Again, these characters are people. They’re not going to do everything perfectly; that’s what makes them fleshed-out characters.
Yikes, so if Anwar had calmed down and realized JD felt romantic feelings towards War and that War felt romantically attracted to JD, the relationship may have been saved – I’m guessing if they did stay together, JD would most likely ask War permission to still be Domme to their submissives… very interesting! :O
That’s a lot more civil than I would’ve been personally, assuming he texted JD right after finding out about the gift. JD’s still rightfully upset at Anwar and has every right to shut that door on his face.
His actions may be understandable and even forgivable, but it doesn’t excuse them. It sucks for the both of them but at least JD seemed to grow from it. Anwar still has ways to go.
All of these comments about the angst and my first question is if “Jaidee” is how it is/was spelled out, or if that’s just Anwar being silly.
But yeah, those 20 minutes…
“My favourite part about this page is the time stamps. Turns out automatic text message generators aren’t available for Anwar’s phone so this is photo shopped via screen shots and then cobbled together in manga studio.”
What????
Well done JD. Tell him exactly how you feel. I honestly think, at this point, sugar coating it would be the exact reverse of helpful. And well done Anwar for realising what a cock you were.
A text message might be considered a bit of a cop-out, but at least talking is happening. That’s good.
Ouch ouch ouch. This is all too familiar to my current situation.
I’m… for some reason really bothered that they’re text messaging. Anwar couldn’t get just enough backbone to call them?
I can actually understand not calling.
Both of them are very upset right now, and Anwar especially realizes he hurt JD badly. If he had called, there is a good chance (in his mind) that JD would have just ignored it or hung up.
By sending a text, he gives JD the chance to look at it or not and also gives himself a chance to have a good think about what he wants to say before saying it. It also gives JD a chance to think about what they want to say without both of them possibly getting into a shouting match as tempers flare/emotions boil over/someone says something in the heat of things. That last bit goes for both of them, because we have definitely seen that Anwar is very familiar with shoving his foot in his mouth spectacularly and it seems like JD is the one most emotionally fragile right this second of the flashback, which could easily cause them to say something extremely hurtful without truly wanting to.
Plus, a lot of people are simply bad at getting the words they want out when it really matters. My fiance is terrible for not being able to find the right words and too often doesn’t even try.
If it’s the only way the words come out as they want them to, instead of just speaking from their emotions, then how is it not a good thing?
(There’s an “if” in there.)
Yup, Anwar realizes what a dick he was a bit too late. Story of my life.
Both parties are going about this the wrong way, but it really stands out to me that it took opening that gift as the deciding factor for ‘War to apologize to JD instead of realizing that he hurt their feelings. What a truly unlikeable person he’s beginning to appear.
rrrgh now I really wanna know how JD processed the events and changed in viewing them between now and page 48…. errgghghg
I like how JD has taken a new selfie (and they look pretty miserable in it), but Anwar hasn’t changed his profile picture yet.