Shades Of A 038
Bringing up the awkward point of how one defines the often blurred lines between friendship, romance and sex.
It’s something I’ve often found hard to define, especially working with modern ideas about what makes relationships. Some of my own thoughts on romantic contact which is not friend contact would be things like hand holding, kissing, nuzzling, hair petting/grooming, skin touch without sexual intent, massage and being naked around each other. Though these of course depend on cultural background- some countries are a lot more kissy with friends and family than others!
Easy A is (one of) Anwar’s comfort movies…? I gotta be honest, I never would have guessed that in a million years.
Now I’m imagining JD and Anwar dancing around to “Pocket Full of Sunshine” XD
That is the best image ever!
I was almost taken by this story, but after Easy A, I’m just so much into it.
this. the awkward ..blurred thing. A lot of the time, I feel like I could get most of what I want from a relationship from a couple of close friends, like the hold hands, and hugging, and um well general non sexual contactness. Those are the kinda things that I think are friend contact. But it does make me feel guilty like im getting more out of it than I should, even though its just that I want less in the way of a sexual relationship, if that makes sense, which im not sure that it does >.< . But I think (although im not sure) that the main difference that I see between the two different types of friendship and um more romantic, is expectation, that there is more of an obligation(?) to do things together and share stuff, er im not sure if I explained that (or any other bit if that tbh) right or used the right words, but yeah.
When you are a friend and another friend asks ‘shall we hang out’ you can say ‘no’ without too many feelings of remorse/guilt/anger from you or the other party
Throw in a ‘relationship’ (by which I mean an ongoing sexual union between two people) and even a polyamorous relationship would bring the obligation of a ‘yes’ just to ‘spend time’ with the other. I know I have a love affair of apostraphe’s right now. Sorry.
Personally I, too, get most of what I want from just friends. Someone to share my interests, someone to debate modern issues and ideas, someone to accompany me to events, both required events like weddings or more hobby-orientated ones like gaming nights.
The only thing missing is sex which I, personally, don’t miss… too much. The main thing is how do you define it? I can get pretty much everything short of penetration from my friends.
Considering I hate 95% of the things that define a romantic relationship, I have no idea when my friendships slide into something more. =\
The definition of a relationship to me is commitment.
Being a VERY touchy feely person with friends(I don’t have many good friends, but those I do are very very close)…..close hugging, holding hands, nuzzling, massages, being half-naked without discomfort, sometimes even going further into kissing/sex…..still remaining as only friends. The sexual bit is not strictly seen as romantic, but just physically fun/good and intimacy comes in different forms. The trust level needs to be there and that is the most important thing to me.
A relationship on the other hand, comes from mutual commitment. The ability to see a future cohabitation and a merging of goals. Respect for their wishes and stopping the sexual contact between friends, if both parties agreed it would make the relationship stronger. Romantic love that is different from close friendship love that makes two want to be together until the end. Someone you want to see from the moment you wake up until the moment you fall asleep….every day.
It’s hard to explain and I’ve probably rambled too much. Needless to say, I’m not asexual, but I can totally relate to the difference between sexual touching and a commited, romantic relationship
I love you.
Where has somone like you been all my life? I always have issues with my friends because the personal contact I like to have with the people I care about (though not necessarily sexual) seems to end up too touchy feely for most of the folks I’ve encountered. I only have one friend who doesn’t mind it, though will not initiate like that, and it can feel lonely sometimes. :-(
I can sympathize, it is terribly lonely. Some friends get uncomfortable, at which point, I obviously back off, and then there are those who get the wrong ideas, where it strains friendship. Also, when new romantic partners pop up, I have to back off quickly, before I cause trouble for friends since they think that I want them for myself.
Then there is the people that look at you funny, thinking you’re a whore for ‘flirting’ with people or leading people on when it’s really not that. I’m basically at both ends of the spectrum. I hate even the slightest contact with a stranger(a shoulder brush will send uncomfortable chills down my spine) but with the people I feel safe with and love, both platonic-ly (excluding all family) and romantically I pretty much just crave touch.
Like I said, it is hard to explain, and it puts a lot of people off. It kind of sucks, but I’m here =( I just wish more people would understand and not take things the wrong way.
Ah Laura, you sound like such an awesome friend. You 100% describe my feelings and wishes.
Aw, Anwar :(. (How many times will I say that over the course of this comic? I count 2 so far.) And DAMN JD, nice legs!
Personally, I hug all the people I care about, and am perfectly willing to put an arm around their shoulder or rub their back or hold their hand when they need comfort. However, things like petting one’s hair are reserved for certain people–I do it with my boyfriend, but my mother has also done it once or twice.
You know what? I’m actually a very touchy person, so maybe I shouldn’t talk, lol.
Okay, that’s it. I am totally head-over-heels in love with JD. Up until this page I was just fangirling, now it’s love.
You’re not alone in the JD-love. We all love JD; they are the best, awesomest, most adorable character ever!
Between “OHMYGOD YOU SLUT TELL ME EVERYTHING” and this page, I really want JD for a best friend.
They would be a rather awesome friend wouldn’t they? Tab, can you animate two JDs for us to hang out with? We promise we’ll play Magic with them! =D
I feel that if I were asexual this would be my primary problem. I personally love my friends more than anyone I would date. I’m bros before hoes (pardoning the offensiveness of the term of course) all the way. Since I’m more of an anti-touch person unless I’m dating someone that might help though. I don’t cuddle with my friends. But I love them. More than anyone.
I feel you on the “love my friends more than anyone I would date.” My therapist didn’t really get that. He told me that I was “rejecting intimacy” by not wanting a relationship, even after I said that I was plenty emotionally intimate with my friends.
That being said, my friends tend to fall into two categories: the friends who I don’t touch at all and the friends I sometimes have sex with. I equally love and am equally intimate with both groups. XD
I guess I’m odd- I love hugging/cuddling/snuggling/petting from anyone- friends, romantic partners, etc.
But it’s special when I’m in a relationship with someone- it makes the cuddling even more special, more important to me.
Being poly-ish, though, I also don’t put as strong an emphasis on the distinction between friends/partners/etc. I would love to date several of my friends, and I have romantic feelings, but I’m able to enjoy friendship and touching just the same with them. There’s no need for that distinction to me, but when it is there, it just adds another layer of comfort to the physical aspects.
Heck, my ex-boyfriend and I still say we love each other, still cuddle, I still sometimes kiss him, but we’re not “together” (well, except for he comes over and scenes with me on occasion because I need my kinky fix XP)
Jeez, I love being in the kink community. People don’t mind that I like to be flogged until I’m shaking, paddled until I cannot sit down, and still respect the fact I’m not sexual.
But I do have to admit, I’m alot more careful now because I did have a top that broke my limits on sexuality and essentially raped me because I was in subspace and unable to fight back. That person is no longer a member of my circle and has been reported, because it is not acceptable to sexually abuse your partner in the kink world, consent is still rule of law.
Sorry, kinda ranty, just alot on my brain thanks to this page.
.. Is it just me, or does JD have 2 left feet? :P
Sorry, couldn’t resist. Yes, to all the things. I fall into that weird middle space of also being into “that stuff”, but not in a sexy way, which can be even harder to explain.
… Huh, yeah, they do.
OHMYGODDAMMIT.
I love this reply. I don’t know why. But it makes me laugh.
Poor poor Tab. Gotta redraw that now.
Re-reading this page for the zillionth time and I just noticed this. Tab you are my hero. <3
I have an interesting situation: I am hypersensitive to touch (I believe it’s called “Tactile Defensiveness”) and I often crave physical contact. So far, I haven’t been able to find a good balance. My friends are always either touchier than I like or not touchy enough.
I dislike dating because I dislike being expected to be physical. I wish I could have friendships with the aforementioned cuddling and nudity. That seems like a difficult but good situation to me.
easy a is the best comfort movie ever
ALL MY EMOTIONS THIS IS OS CUTE. I love how cute and understanding JD is. They are really there for Anwar and understand him really well. Also super cute relationship for them.
Awwww, that “oh honey.” Anyone else getting Charlie nostalgia?
Nooooo you can’t stop there LOL
Great work can’t wait for the update.
i gotta say i don’t really understand Anwar’s angst about it at this point. he’s met the dude… twice. and the encounters have, for the most part, been fairly innocuous. is it wrong of me to think he’s being a bit of a drama queen?
If he just felt a connection with Chris he has IMO every right to feel troubled now after such a short time. Also I think the meetings had some kind of sexual tension…for one in the Fetish Club and then at the Photo-Shot. They also met at Anwar’s workplace and at the bar where they had conversations that where awkward but definitely made them closer because they revealed things about their personalities and lives. Also I know plenty of people who have been head over heels for a person they hardly know just because they FEEL something’s there.
Moreover: I think more than lovey dovey emotions it is really angst and confusion that gets to A. He just doesn’t know how to act around Chris. I bet he is bad at flirting and things that build a normal relationship and he doesn’t know how to handle a person like Chris. He felt uncomfortable from the start (the club, the shooting) and now that he gets to like Chris it becomes really hard for him to handle the situation. So I don’t think he’s a dramaqueen except if that’s what you call people who get a crush easily which I’d understand ;) but he is just very bad with handling people and certain situations which I also completely understand
also: he doesn’t know how to initiate flirtiness without maybe seeming like a tease for being asexual? he doesn’t want to lead the guy on.
This. Right here. That is my idea of the perfect relationship. When I think about them, this is my idea of perfection. I don’t care about flowers or presents or baked goods. I want snuggle time on the couch (or bed) with a favorite movie.
I totally feel Anwar’s pain, too. Though I am kind of in the opposite boat, not having a friend I can lounge with, when I desperately want one (not to say I don’t have friends, but they tend to stay on the opposite end of the couch when the emotional therapy movie session happens).
I wonder if Anwar really fells better now. Obviously this situation with JD (who has TOTALLY awesome legs) makes him feel uncomfortable or hurt because of the relationship-likeness. But I hope he can just get the comfort he needs now.
As an romantic asexual, I feel this hard….it’s terrifying to put yourself out there. To want to feel close and connected all the while never wanting have sex. Oh…the many a nights of twisted stomachs due to nerves on this very situation. :( Poor Anwar.
Oh, well…. that’s a fun one to think about. Considering I’m doing the fine, fine juggle of seeing where everything lands on that spectrum with one of my friends now… It’s a treat, let me tell you.
So, what do you call a friend whom you share a mutual attraction with, but both of you are too.. let’s go with broken to be in an actual relationship. So you’re flirty with each other some days and other days you just act like there’s nothing going on.. and then a few times you end up having cuddling turn into crazy make out sessions, which afterwards you talk about how you both like each other but, again, broken and you don’t wanna hurt each other or even say you’re anything like fwb because you’re both trying very hard to not go that route because there’s no sex going on anyways, and you don’t wanna just be using each other.
…I’m at a fun junction in my life, oh aye. Yet still, it’s something I feel like I should try to fight for, because that voice in the back of me head tells me I shouldn’t let this one get away, no matter how dysfunctional we are in figuring out what we are right now. (Which is people who like each other but are just kinda seeing how things work out between us)
I just really love that he’s friends with someone he really likes and they know it and he doesn’t hold it against them in any way.. Yeah I’ve been reading too much stuff about friendzone bs..
Oh man friendzoning! I’m making extra sure that Anwar isn’t that kind of guy.
My friends and I all considered “friendzone” to be a pretty innocent term. We would say that someone you considered too close of a friend to ever think of them romantically was in the friendzone.
My first introduction to what apparently the rest of the world defines it as was…confusing.
It’s not innocent in the least. It’s disgusting.
Like, I can relate to this page so well. My best friend and I have this awkwardly blurred relationship, and like Anwar, I’m ace and my best friend actually looks a whole like JD (and is also, interestingly enough, nonbinary). And like, we’re each other’s emotional backing and closer to each other than anyone else and it gets really confusing sometimes… so uh… yeah…
Cuddling, just…. ‘cuddling’ releases … Releases? I meant Floods the brain with sooo many wonderful chemicals and fine feels, it is all the intensity that some can take, or want. I like a little more intensity, but not always, people don’t rate Cuddling high enough, it will never make #1 on the charts.
That’s a really good point, actually. I think in the past, I tended to misinterpret platonic affection both on my part and that of other people as a romantic-sexual crush far too often. And vice versa too, possibly. I do seem to be getting better at telling the difference, but I can’t imagine how much more difficult it must be for an asexual person who doesn’t even have sexual attraction to help make the distinction. On the other hand, I guess if you’re both certain types of asexual and certain types of poly it doesn’t really matter anyway because it leaves no practical difference between a romantic relationship and a close platonic one other than what you call it
Okay, I HAD to comment (think I commented on Khaos) because WHERE ARE ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE IN MY LIFE? All I really want is a friend I can cuddle and hold hands with. Bah.
Loving the comic Tab!
I’m an asexual. I do not like hugging, kissing, or sex. I’m very open about this. So…
WHY THE HELL DOES EVERYONE I MEET THINK I WANT TO BOINK THEM?!
I’m told it’s my body language, that I come on strong and send off signals. But I don’t know what that means!
I would understand a little better if it were simply that people think I’m romantically interested in them, but no. People think I wanna bump uglies in the horizontal Macarena :-P
Though definitely not the same situation or circumstances, this brings up feels that I can relate to. I’m in the second exclusive/committed relationship I’ve been in, having spent quite a bit of time painting the town outside of that. For a long time I was just feeding sexual starvation with no plans or hope to find romance. Thought I found it, it didn’t work, then somewhere along the way fell in love with my roommate who became my best friend for the past few years. Cue orientation mismatch though still being fairly close friends and roommates with him to the point that people on campus saw us more together than apart. For a couple years the role of “boyfriend” in my life was filled in parts: the “you are my soulmate, I want to be with you forever” from the roommate, and the physical part from various hookups and f-buds (especially since the roomate is aversive to nearly all physical contact). Now he’s moved away and I’m dating someone who’s absolutely in love with me, and even though something feels innately “right” about being with my boyfriend, my heart seems to still belong to the roommate who will never be more than a good friend. Hooray for life’s complexity and my inappropriately long personal story! I’m enjoying the comic.
I always have something playing in the background while i do things on the internet. I just put on Easy A before getting to this page. I love this story so far!
*sigh*
Yeah, those awkward blurred lines. Those REALLY awkward blurred lines where, yeah it killed me to be in a ~relationship~ with this guy, but none of my other friends will touch me AT ALL and he’ll just cuddle with me on the couch for hours.
I hate my feelings sometimes. Specifically the feeling of just really, deeply craving affectionate, non-romantic touch and halfway falling for whoever gives it to me.
Why am I like this?