Shades Of A 032
And now it’s flashback time to Anwar’s past, which means for a little while I’m disregarding the plot of 50 shades of grey and embellishing what is Shades of A instead.
This page is a little bit about what it’s like to be perceived as female in a male dominant geeky setting. While we’ve now moved past the ‘ewww girls can’t game get back in the kitchen’ idea, there’s now more a move to ‘omg a girl, she likes games, I like games, clearly we were meant to be forever and I should stand uncomfortably close to her so she notices me.’
agree with you there, tab. first it was “you’re a girl so therefore you got no brain so get back in the kitchen and make me a turkey potpie!” and now as soon as you show some interest in a geeky field (like gaming or a tv show or something technical), they’re all over you like athlete’s foot because you’ve a vagina AND you can think.
bugger. stupid testerone.
Just for the record… Not all girls have vaginas. :)
it be-ith the IDEA of a vagina: the concept of primal poke-age, chorain ;)
Had a friend like this in college. He literally went “Wait, you like X? I like X! Wanna go out?” to girls. Seriously. My husband, who was friend’s roommate at the time, invited friend into a chat room with a bunch of husband’s friends from high school and college, and guy immediately asked a girl on there out after finding out she was into comics.
Never mind she was, and still is, in another state and happily dating.
Why are people, guys in particular, so stupid about gender?
I don’t think it’s a guy thing to be stupid about gender. It’s a people thing.
This particular thing seems to really be a cisguy thing, though. I’ve never even had a transman be like “well, so what if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other/are asexual/aren’t interested, I’M INTERESTED, so DATE ME.” Or worse, sex propositions, right on the spot. Ugh.
IGNORING the plethora of TCGs that use black, YAY MAGIC!
http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=5755
I wish I didn’t know exactly what it’s like to be in JD’s shoes… I mean, part of why I fell for my fiancé is because he’s a huge geek, but it’s not like every female (or person percieved as one) gamer/geek wants to date anyone just because they also like games. I get it if you’re excited if you’ve never met anyone of the sex or gender you fancy that also likes the things you like, but come on… Be respectful and treat said person as a, well, person. Not a commodity.
I can one up poor JD. So I’m physically female and I go by male pronouns, but I identify as genderneutral (Genderneutral pronouns are hard, man.) And I met this dude at an anime convention and he and his friends were really fun to hang out with, and they were all totally cool with the fact that I identified as a man and stuff…. anyway so I stopped talking to this guy for almost a year and when I got back to talking to him, 1. He told me he thought we were dating, even though I was dating someone at the time and made that clear…. 2. He like forgot I identified by male or something… he acted like he never knew in the first place…. it was really…. well…. upsetting to me…
: ( I’m really sorry that happened to you. Not everyone is so stuck in their own head.
Yup being a girl gamer has its awkward moments for sure. Was playing ME3 multiplayer with a random group because I was trying to unlock characters. These two dude seemed like fun, and I’m always up front with the fact I have a bf (of 5 years next month in fact) but then I started noticing them say guyfriend and I corrected them saying BOYFRIEND. (Got real awkward after that night)
Also when I used to work at GameStop (oh the horror!) this guy customer seemed to take my knowledge and politeness as a sign of being ment to be and followed me to the Subway food store on my break to try to win me by buying me food. I told the cashier NO and the dumb twit allowed the jerk to pay. I yelled at them both, her for being an idiot and not listening to ME when I was there nearly everyday and a paying customer, and told him to keep the food, I didn’t know him or want to know him that I had a bf and stomped back to the store. The guys that worked there eventually got rid of the twit I remember…
I know a lot of people, including my boss at the time, were like what’s the big deal. It was scarey, it wasn’t cool being followed or have some guy think just cause I’m payed to be polite = I’m interested. It felt just felt bad… I think I went off on a tangent. I apologize. D:
And those same guys would probably tell you that you were leading him on if you had accepted the food! Ugh.
Yea :( definitely a forced catch 22 damned if you do or don’t situation. I also apologize for any spelling errors. I did not notice I spelled some things wrong Dx ahhhhh!
ugh I know the feeling! I was once in a group on WoW and the group found out I was a female. Which led to an onslaught of one guy asking if I’d ever had a black c*ck and another guy asking me to cyber. I was 16 and a virgin at the time, so it was traumatizing a bit. I now have a fake name I give people so they think I’m a guy when I play and I don’t do voice chat.
You sound like an ex of mine. (Right down to the ‘Jess,’ too – small world or just really weird coincidence?)
I’ve personally never had a problem with people being creepy (or disparaging/patronizing/in any way awful) on me for being a girl, though, and I’ve been playing for four years, but I seem to hear a lot of horror stories.
We shouldn’t have to hide the fact that we are female and we play video games. Sorry your gaming experience has been traumatizing Jess. :(
Fun gamer page is fun!
That said, does anyone know what, “Mostly why what are you running?” means. There ought to be punctuation in there, right?
He’s asking what type of deck JD’s got–now I’m wondering too, what would be interesting to pitch against a splash black deck…
Also, can I just say I have an overwhelming OVERWHELMING love for this page! I’m the only girl gamer in a mtg group as well, and it really does have its moments (though mostly the guys are good about it)…
“Mostly; why? What are you running?”
“Mostly. Why; what are you running?”
“Mostly. Why? What are you running?”
There are a few ways to say it. Here’s to hoping that, if you’re still confused, you check this page again and find out.
Good lord. I got to a college with a HUGE gaming/nerd culture. I get hit on at pretty much every geek event I go to which is pretty much all of them x.e this page is so accurate it hurts. Thankfully, after three years I’ve managed to teach the boys the words ‘no or I hurt you’ and the only ones who still try are freshmen and pure creepers who are more than just ‘confused’ about gamer girls.
Only comic shop I’ll go to is co-run by a lady for this exact reason. -____- I’m not even hot or particularly feminine and I get it pretty bad… my extremely attractive (you know the deal, 5’10”, thin, huge… tracks of land) nerdy female friend, however? She cannot even go INTO shops or JOIN new groups because of the amount of uncomfortable harassment it gets her.
I actually don’t think we’ve moved past the “ew girls, get back in the kitchen, girls can’t game” phase in society. I think both are still happening, depending on the guy. It’s why the “fake geek girl” thing is prevalent. Some men either think it’s hot that a girl is into nerdy things and pursue them relentlessly, or some think the girl isn’t a true nerd and shame them. (SOME, not ALL, please don’t think I’m blanketing the way ALL men think.)
As a girl who once aimed for a career as a game designer, I’ve been pursued relentlessly whenever I made it clear that the attention was unwelcome, and fake-geek-girl-shamed whenever I openly enjoyed the attention. I was handling it fine at school, but it was a real slap in the face once I started job-hunting. I’m studying in a non-male-dominated field now.
Oh, that sucks, I’m sorry this pervasive creepiness pushed you away from a career that you chose ((((
It wasn’t a lifelong dream or anything, just something I went for because I was at the age where I had to pick a path. Now I’ve found something I’m really passionate about, and I feel like I’ll be able to make a positive change in the world. So in a way, I’m glad my first choice didn’t work out, even though that doesn’t make it right.
In my school, we have a lot of players of MTG – and a few girls are in that group. They get treated exactly the same as the guys. The Guild (our school’s club for games and otakus) is an amazing spot. Most people know I’m transgender (FTM) and don’t care, girls are treated normally, and there are gays and lesbians. Too bad it’s not like that everywhere… I guess I’m pretty lucky.
You are really lucky, and I’m so glad to hear that groups like this exist too!
As a cis male it makes me sad to see this. It’s pretty unavoidable, I guess. That’s why I try to make as little noise as possible when I run into a girl gamer.
It makes me happy when seeing people act out of the “gender norm” and get treated equally, it’s a shame the my own geek culture hasn’t caught up to the times.
I remember an ex of mine; he’d finished work early and was waiting outside my office for me. A big guy had come along and started trying to pick him up even though he said he I was his boyfriend and he was waiting for me. He’d walked off just to get away from the guy, but the guy just kept following him and harassing him. By the time I got out and got him away, he was so freaked out he couldn’t stand to be touched for days afterward, there was nothing I could do to comfort him. People need to appreciate that the thought “I want” does not give them the right to ignore the wishes or rights of anyone else, or to conveniently forget that they’re with someone else – its a basic failure to respect people as people.
It’s really sad, but when I worked in a video game store, I used to actually acquire stalkers for this exact reason, purely because of my gender, friendly customer service, and the fact that I could prove I knew what I was talking about. I had to be friendly and helpful because it was what I was paid to do. I had no other choice, even though I often worried even that casual conversation would over-encourage.
It’s not that I fault boys (or the few girls that became attached to me as well) for gravitating toward a kindred soul, because I fully understand what it’s like to feel lonely, and cast out. It’s that some people can’t take the hint that I only want to be friends, and have no interest in more. I’m extremely nice to people I meet, but after five years of increasingly unwanted attention, it’s actually starting to ruin my positive attitude toward meeting and speaking to strangers, because I fear the awkwardness of having to rebuff someone in a less than gentle way.
Recently I’ve acted upon my genderqueer inclinations both as a venture into a more honest life, and a social experiment, and found that even when bound, wearing men’s jeans and a loose t-shirt, I still have similar problems. Especially when wearing crossplay at conventions.
Yeah, it’s definitely not dressing “femmy” that gets one more attention, at least in my experience… I get just as much harassment when I’m dressed male or in “frumpy” clothes at work. I think it has more to do with being naturally friendly (I’m that way too), and some people (I work in a diner so it’s like 80% old men for me) just not being able to differentiate “I need to be nice to you in order to feed myself and afford my rent” and “obviously I want to bone your wrinkly ass.”
poor men, they really are the douche of this thread… it’s not all men, it’s men culture that does this to women. i’ve had to deadpan ‘out’ myself as lesbian when guys find out that i like/enjoy/love an aspect of thinking media/culture they’re also into, when i’m still figuring my own needs out. sigh…
Actually I’d like to add, many females are just as guilty. There are a lot of females in geek culture who like to accuse other females (especially conventionally “attractive” other females) of being fake or posers or doing it for attention. I’m not sure if they like their own attention and feel threatened by additional females (“alpha female” ?) or if it’s something else, but sometimes it’s a female who’s more negative towards new girls than the guys are.
I’m sure everyone here has seen pictures spread around that say something like “This is a real geek girl *picture of messy girl shouting at game* and this is a fake gamer girl *picture of conventionally attractive girl playing game.*” It doesn’t help anything.
I’ve only encountered one girl who has done this, but she’s just a bitch in general. ((the following is a description of what makes said girl a bitch so no one thinks I’m just throwing around slurs, skip if you please) Not the woman-hating slur “bitch” used for opinionated women – I mean an honest to whatever bitchy person who says people aren’t their stated gender identity (“you can’t be a transboy and wear dresses”) but claims herself gender queer, ditto with sexualities (says asexuals must be completely aro-ace or they’re lying, says bi-girls who date men at all are really straight girls looking for attention (meanwhile she’s bi and dates only men so I’m really confused as to what she’s saying about herself there), makes her boyfriend buy her expensive things he can’t afford (and only dates doormats), complains about everything she can think of, etc. So I think “bitch” is an appropriate descriptor for this person.)
So while it exists, it’s nowhere near as common as men saying these things about women. And again the only woman I’ve encountered saying such things is this one who says such things about anyone for anything, so I don’t think she even really counts.
Oh I certainly don’t want to imply that it’s more common, I used “many” because it implies that it’s not exactly rare but still an ambiguous amount. I’ve not met many females who are honestly like this in real life, but there is plenty of evidence of them on the internet. I think it’s a self-esteem issue for girls who are like this, really. Being a cool girl in a group of guys who think she’s this awesome unique girl gamer (because she’s a girl and oh my god boobs) when in reality she has a low opinion of herself, so the introduction of new females to geek culture can cause her to feel defensive. I know there was a point as a young teen when I felt this way after being shunned by other females and accepted by a group of geeky guy friends. I’ve grown well away from that sort of idea because it serves no positive purpose, but I’ve met others (usually online) who staunchly act this way.
So I guess you could say that geek females who are unaccepting or wary of other females in geek culture are just a product of geek culture being hard on females to begin with, perhaps? (And for the record I’m primarily referring to cis females in these scenarios, these experiences would probably be different and greater for a trans female, and I don’t want to make any assumptions).
Yeah, I totally get this. I used to be terribly harsh on other women because of my own insecurities (usually “she’s pretty, she must be a bitch”, because heaven forbid a pretty girl be nice – what on earth would I have going for me then?). It really is a sad state of affairs, especially given how binary it is; pretty/ugly, bitchy/nice – why do we assume women, people, have to be one or the other, why can’t anyone be anywhere on the scale? Why don’t traits like funny or clever come into it? It sucks, because it’s so easy to view both yourself and other women that way. Fortunately, I’ve grown up a lot, but I still find myself feeling automatically wary of and intimidated by people who appear conventionally attractive. I can check myself, but the fact it exists at all is just not cool.
Bitch is a woman hating slur in any context other than neutrally refereeing to a female canine. There is no context where it is not misogynist to use it for a human.
I play Warhammer 40K and have gotten used to getting “that look” from guys. Either the “Oh cool a gamer girl I can hit on her” look, or the “Oh a girl who thinks she’s a gamer she’s easy prey” look. The first one is dealt with thanks to a blunt “I’m a lesbian” response, and the other…well, I let my army do the talking there. :3
Well, for me, starting to meet geek/gamer people was a bit different. Because I’m female, but since the very beginning, they treated me like one more of the guys lol. (I’m OK with it, it’s comfortable, not that they are doing that to make me feel bad or something) So no awkward harrasment.
Actually, me and my (physically female) brother went to the midnight release of Injustice a while ago and got told to “get back in the kitchen” by a group of guys, who then laughed in a painfully awkward way, as if to say, “We’re trying to flirt with you, please dont go~”. I think they expected me to either laugh it off or “prove myself” to them as a “real fan”. Asinine. Instead I gave them the iciest stare and snapped, “Oh that’s sooo funny”.
I’m not too jaded though, since all of my friends are male gamers/geeks who have always treated me as an equal player/person. I’d much rather be one of the guys than have someone breathing down my neck or making sandwich jokes, hur hur…
This is one of the reasons it sucks trying to just play a game online with any sort of voice chat. Thankfully most people have calmed down at this point and just play the friggen game, but in playing TF2 I encountered a lot of “OMG GIRL PLAYING VIDEO GAMES!” behavior, both in the ‘lol girls can’t play’ sense and the ‘marry me now!’ sense. Even worse was when I got verbally sexually harassed. -_-
I even get this on runescape, and at least 40% of the players are female to begin with. At this point I figured they were just glad to have people playing at all :/
A straight male friend of mine routinely plays female avatars in MMORPG’s — and since he first starting doing it (for less than altruistic reasons), he has been amazed at the crap the rest of the community spewed at him. It was amusingly / un-amusingly eye-opening for him.
It really is that bad. I have to say, I’m happy to see all of these comments from others who have dealt with this sort of thing. I personally won’t admit to being a female in online play, I’ve had quite a few awkward situations occur in mmos (one guy even gave me his number despite me being taken), and I’m honestly too nervous to attend the actual gaming club at my university.
I am ok with handling unwanted attention, but what really upsets me is when people treat me (and other female-presenting or neutral folk) as though I’m only pretending to be a gamer/geek/etc and wearing Zelda Tshirts for male attention. Nobody should be accused of being fake, nobody should be held up to scrutiny simply for enjoying what they enjoy. It’s very frustrating.
This tends to be the reaction I get when I’m wearing my (hockey) jersey. Apparently the idea of a woman who likes sports is attractive.. at least until she corrects you on all the stupid bandwagon type “facts” you threw out to try to impress her, then she’s no longer attractive in most cases, at least in my experience. It does make for some entertaining back and forth though. haha :3
It is kinda why I stopped playing MMOs though, it’s nothing less than annoying to be sitting there and introduce myself as Hannah only to have people scoff and be like “No seriously, what’s your REAL name?” Well that and I find them kind of boring now, but my complaints and experiences with the matter are still relevant!
Then again, this isn’t exclusive to gaming or any typical “guy” activities. Being harassed simply for what people perceive the genitalia between your legs to be happens far too often, and frankly it makes me glad I’m 185cm and scary if I have to be when a guy(s) won’t take a hint. >_>
Anwar’s friend(?) reminds me of myself at work when my favourite customer comes in. “Oh my god Austin’s here. Oh god he’s such a babe. Guys, he’s coming over, guys stop being weird. Just act natural. Stop freaking out everybody!” But of course I don’t follow him around the store and go out of my way to serve him. I’m probably too young for him and I’m pretty sure he has a partner haha.
This page is unfortunately accurate :/
I mean, ignoring the current trend of “women can’t really like geeky things they’re just doing it to get attention from men” (and with it “they want attention from men they would never bang to feel good about themselves”).
:c The fake geek girl theory is dumb and harmful to the community, and is honestly even creepier than guys hovering ’cause then they really are just narrowing us down to meat with no use besides looking pretty :/
(Sorry, sore topic. Being a female nerd can be great and awful.)
What I find the most annoying is online guys starting a conversation that they pretend is just friendly, then lead it over to their attempt to get netsex. I stopped all online chat under any female names ages back after 90% of folks would pull this! What the hell?! On the otherhand, yes I have also had people accuse me of lying about my gender online lol.
Also I just had to share this 50 shades of chicken ;) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa3eC02delM
God, I wish the game shop I used to attend moved into the OHGODGIRL instead of the GTFO camp. I used to go with my other half, who’s very into MTG and other tabletop games. I’m female presenting, and still a relative novice in many things tabletop, but everyone there was just so patronizing and condescending that I dared come in to try to learn and improve and wasn’t an expert right away, I barely could find anyone but my SO to play against. So I stopped going and, eventually, stopped playing altogether.
I really miss it =(
This post, and the one above about 40k, got me to pick up the paintbrush on a model again, after I think almost a year of not wanting to paint anything because I don’t have a mind for the game, just a mind/eye for the models.
[And I don’t learn the way my boyfriend, who I followed into the hobby, learns/teaches (read the book; memorize the book), and I feel like I’d be letting down the whole female gender if I played practice games against people at my local gaming store and lost. That’s just too much pressure to be enjoyable, it’s a game to me, so I don’t want to devote an amount of time/brainpower to it that is comparable in difficulty/effort to a senior-level university course because it’s supposed to be FUN, not work.]
I love the fact that dude assumes that a person who appears to be a girl wouldn’t know how to play the game and needs to be taught. So sadly real. Male privilege + sexism in action.
From my experience, women in a gaming environment have exactly the same problems as a woman in any other male-dominated environment. Furthermore, I’ve found gamers to be some of the more polite and considerate examples of this. Maybe I’ve just been lucky in my gaming circles. That and where I am now is run as a proper club with rules and expectations of it’s members which includes a committee of individuals ensuring everyone is comfortable and able to enjoy their evenings.
Just to add, I’m not saying that it isn’t a problem. I have had some experiences of the rampant sexism that is rife in the gaming community, but it can go both ways. As much as men need to not make assumptions about the women who walk through their doors, women need to give men a chance to not be idiots. There’s a lot of sweeping statements on here, and it needs to be remembered that standing up and asking to be respected a woman is very hypocritical if you do it by tarring all men with the a-hole brush. Inform and correct people of when they are being sexist but don’t assume they are going to be.
Apologies, that reads a little preachy. I hope I’ve made my point without sounding high and mighty. It’s one of those awkward issues to discuss without sounding inflammatory if you’re not completely agreeing with the common consensus.
I completely agree that it’s not fair to paint all men with the same brush, but you have to realize that everyone has different experiences. If someone has almost completely negative experiences any time they try to participate, then it’s going to be hard for them to recognize that it’s not the standard.
Personally, I’ve had a very broad range of reactions to my being female, so I am aware that it’s not all men that do it. I think one of the biggest factors is the environment set in place as a foundation; if it starts out with rules about being respectful, I’m much more likely to encounter people who don’t act like being a woman isn’t the default/normal. If there are no rules in place about being respectful towards others, it’s much more likely that they’re going to be assholes. The problem with the gaming community is that it’s very common to not set up rules like that.
It’s absolutely true that not all men are like that, and I’ve personally had good experiences with guys who just treat you like just another gamer. So perhaps what this vastly negative outpouring means is that there’s something wrong with the culture, and not really each individual male in the gaming community? This culture, which teaches guys to assume women have less skills/are there to be ogled, resulting in their creepy reactions. And if we recognise that the problem is the culture, then that’s something we can work towards changing, I hope!
I think some of you women are making a big mistake by lying now and saying you are a guy. The ONLY way this sexist crap guys throw out will get better is if we stand our ground, and be proud of being kick ass on games. I’m not saying get in their faces. Just have fun playing the game and tell whoever bothers you about your ladyness to Fuck off.
The more women who play video games, the more men get used to it and stop being obnoxious. Then the easier it will be for the younger girls to play video games and have fun without the sexist crap we put up with.
And the sooner we get to Star Trek times, Everybodys Equal!
I love this comic, but I’m not a gamer. Please, what is “splash black”? I looked it up on Wikipedia and also Googled it and didn’t find anything.
Magic: The Gathering has different card sets, represented by different colors. There are different themes and strategies that each color deck uses, and some strategies work better against certain colors than others. The fact that JD’s asking if he has a black deck implies that they might have a deck that would work well against it.
At least that’s my impression; I’m a very casual/novice Magic: player, and I’m not even certain what the splash part of it means.
A splash deck is one that is predominantly one or two colors with only a little bit of another one. In the group I play with the splash color (black in Anwar’s case) is usually kept in the sideboard. My guess is if he’s splashing black its for kill cards, but they also have some nasty creatures that one could use as an ace in the hole or a major distraction to set up the win condition.
One more question: How do I post my own picture beside my comments, instead of that Gravatar?
Do you see the “Get a Gravatar” link next to NAME in the information fields when you can comment? If you click on that and register, any time you post somewhere that uses Gravatar with the same email you used to register at Gravatar, it will post with whatever picture you set. :)
I hate the fact you’re right Tab but… you’re right. I call out my friends so often on crap like that. It makes me ashamed to be male sometimes.
Not that I don’t put my foot in it of course. I can remember an embarressing occasion when I was trying to explain that a young lady was, in my eyes, ‘one of the guys’. I’dve appreciated divine intervention (preferably from Thor) after a short time…
I do have mixed expirence about that too. I am Male as you may have guessed but at computer games if i have the choice i always will play female Characters/have female companions etc. That includes online Games like Planetside or Guild Wars and Second Life. I useally chose Female Names fitting to those Characters.
I experienced a lot of hatred a lot of not understanding from both genders because of that up to the point that i will not use voice at any cost so i can enjoy peaceful play. However it is way to much fun to play a Female Character (and yes to enjoy the view/sound :p) for me to stop doing that. The Problem however is one we have with the whole gender thing and yes there where more then one moment in my life where i was ashamed to be male.
As a trans man who was considered rather attractive pre-transition… I kind of get this. Interestingly, I didn’t get this behaviour from other geeks, though- I got it from other goths (I tended to dress goth and many of my teenage social circle did likewise.)
I mean… The geeks, I would understand, ladies in geek social circles can still be few and far between. But the GOTHS?! There wasn’t exactly a shortage of attractive, friendly, physically affectionate goth girls in this circle. How many goth girls do they need to get daily hugs from before they stop getting saucer-eyed at any pair of black-clad breasts they might be able to talk to?
Of course, if ever I tried to discuss how I hated people showing interest in me because of my looks instead of who I was (didn’t help that I hated my appearance but I didn’t really “get” that at the time) the reaction of the people I was talking to was always, “wah wah, so you’re attractive, that’s SO FUCKIN’ SAD. Urgh, get over it.”
Now people talk to me because they like talking to me. And the good thing about my past is that I REALLY appreciate that, instead of taking it for granted. Silver lining, I guess.
Lucky guy, lu-cky guy. I’m kidding of course, it sounds like you had a hard run of it for a while. Personally, I got quite a bit of attention and told that it was absurd that I might just be a genuinely nice person prior to transition because I was perceived as a tall, good looking* guy*, and because my sex was apparently sex crazed and drawn to the female anatomy like flies to honey (which was especially dumb since I’m demisexual). Because of THAT however I’m willing to give guys a fair shake and not assume all of them are jerks by default, though sometimes they make it hard, especially since now… I tend to get treated like you apparently used to being more of a piece of meat than a genuine person (and that “wah wah you’re attractive” thing.. GOD my “friends” annoy me with that sometimes!). Oh the joys of sexism, on both sides! :D
I’m happier now post transition of course, but I can say with all honesty… I MISS MY MALE PRIVILEGE A LOT DAMMIT! Life, you are unfair. :[
I’m just glad to see someone honestly say they miss their old male privilege, lol! Most of the trans ladies I’ve tried to ask about the experience of losing male privelege and all those cookies that go with being or seeming cis at the same time, they got kind of mad, so I stopped asking.
For me, when I can actually pass I wind up looking very average and kind of like I might play some sort of sport that requires being large… so people largely leave me alone. (Although I do get the “boy or girl I cannot tell” stare and rude questions.) But the male privilege is palpable in the air around me. :I It makes me uncomfortable.
Wheeee Magic! I was actually just looking at card for potentially building a deck around ciphers* before I remembered it was Monday and came to check SoA! I’ve heard so many horror stories about the gaming community, it makes me feel pretty lucky that I’ve never experienced any kind of sexism. I went to a Dragon’s Maze pre-release event, and was really worried that it’d be really male dominated and awful (my first event with players outside my usual circle – there wasn’t much of a Magic community where I lived before), but it was nothing of the sort. There were only 8 girls there, out of 80 players, but I got no weird or upsetting comments, and everyone seemed totally at ease. I do wish I knew more female Magic players, especially given how many female characters in MtG there are. I mean, I’d say at least half the creatures were women (or present as woman, or are trans* women, who knows!), and it seems totally fine for them to wear whatever they want. It’s a pity that its player base isn’t so even.
*My research makes me think a cipher deck wouldn’t work hugely well
Oh gosh. Where to start…
I’ve done all kinds of mmorpgs from side scrolling to Redstone to WoW. And I have had all kinds of reactions to me being female. I will say that WoW was probably the least sexist because everyone seemed more interested in playing the game than sitting around chatting. But I have had maaaany guys over the years volunteer to make me characters or level them up.
For the record I’m a masculine lesbian who generally tries to teeter the genders.
The worst I’ve ever experienced is Counterstrike. And I don’t know if it’s because of this or in spite of this, I ended up playing that game the most. In that game half the guys would either think I was a prepubescent boy in voice chat or end up hitting on me while we tried to play. Thankfully the other half understood the word lesbian and ended up chiding the other guys and/or just treating me like normal.
Surprisingly the best interactions I’ve ever had were console gaming IRL. These guys just treated me like normal and were more interested in playing games.
Lately I’ve been doing tabletop and I don’t know if it’s the group I’m in, but my lesbianism seems to come up every other game session for a fair amount of time. They seem just rather fascinated by it. Luckily another girl joined recently, so she and I can just hang while the boys pretend not to want to hit on her (she’s there with her boyfriend).
Really, the impression I get, is that it’s all kinds. I’ve pretended to be a male player to make things easier (except that one time I started getting hit on by female players). I’ve also made characters with Lesbian in the name somehow (which was a baaaad idea retrospectively).
I’m in my 30’s now and I just don’t have the care or need anymore to try to avoid awkward interaction.
Them: “You’re a female?”
Me: “And a lesbian.”
Them: “Whoaaa… do you eat a lot of pussy?”
Me: “More than you have, I’m sure.”
Then I just move on and find someone else to play with. Just because I like eating something, doesn’t meant I feel like talking about it 24/7.
It’s a little sad to see so many stories about girls in geek culture that are on the unpleasant or bad side. It’s also a little surreal, as I’ve never had a run in with anything like that. Though, I suppose im not really a “hardcore” gamer, but in all the things i really enjoyed (a few mmorpgs, mostly modern cartoons and forum roleplaying, casual and interesting video games, idk) ive never been met with any of that sort of thing. It’s probably just because there’s no real opportunity to?? That and, well most of my social circle for irl gaming is essentially all composed of women.
It’s very saddening and sickening to hear about the things that happen with women and the gaming world. Why can’t people just play games???
Ive never really been treated like that but then again i got into the gamer ‘scene’ because of my ex and im also almost six foot so i tend to be a bit imposing. Most gamer girls i know of are nasty pieces of work tbh. Kinda remind me of wolverines or badgers. Then theres the ones that love picking up as many boys as they can at once and slowly shredding thier souls. Might just be me though.
A lot of gamer girls got to be those “nasty pieces of work” as a self-defense mechanism.
I’m obviously a leetle late on this thread(?), but I guess I wanna mention an anecdotal exception. I’ve still gotten this behavior (mostly online, which I’ve easily ignored or successfully subverted), but offline I hardly get such attention. Male nerds do get suspiciously nice to me, but not stupidly so, and any ensuing nerdy conversation is as genuine as any. Even when I’m completely aware of their attraction towards me, they never seem particularly annoying by it.
Then again, not only have I grown up as “one of the guys” (I still kinda consider myself a tomboy) such that I’m deeply socialized that way, I’m built like a big-boobed linebacker from a combination of genetics and weight training, and I’ve got some sort of natural pluses to my intimidation from my pale, villain-like face.
I know I’m an anomoly, whereas female nerds around me are constantly hit on to the point of discomfort and “negotiated for dating rights” among my male friends. It’s put me into a sort of “big sister” position a few times, since someone has to tell these guys to cut it out.