Shades After 072
This page went really quickly- I think I should just measure comics in the number of human faces in each page and that should give me a good time estimate.
Oh, the kids are called Pearl and Hazel by the way- it comes up in the dialogue of the comic later but I know you people like to know these things!
In convention news I’m off to Norway this weekend for Banzaicon! It will also be my birthday so I’m going to celebrate it in Scandinavian style :D
Poor Chris. I didn’t think he had cheated though? Or did he go out to get his kinky needs met while married? Sad story line coming up about War’s dad? I love the innocence of the younger daughter, but it makes me sad to see how jaded the older one is…
I’m guessing the latter, rather than the former. Either way, when you’re in a relationship with someone it’s imperative that you establish your boundaries.
If he was seeing a Dom I’ll bet the wife took it as cheating and told her kids as much
To be fair, if he was doing it in secret and never mentioned it to her, I can understand how someone would see it like that. It can be a little hurtful. Granted, I know she would’ve taken it badly regardless, but still. IF that were the case, she wouldn’t be entirely in the wrong.
It’s more than a little hurtful, I think. Kink needs or not, if he was sneaking around and carrying on an intimate sort of relationship with anyone, he ought to have been upfront and talked to her first. Even without literally sleeping with someone, he’d have broken her trust and hurt her in a big way. I’m not defending her treatment of Chris, mind. She also ultimately betrayed him in a big way.
It’s possible that infidelity was what they told the children instead of outing his kink or dress preferences.
I could see how seeing a Dom outside of the relationship and not telling the wife about it could be seen as cheating too.
has the mum been telling the daughter things about chris? feels that way to me. i really don’t like when parents can’t handle breakups well and put things on their kids.
Ugh, sounds like mom has been poisoning her against her father. Although to be entirely fair, it could be that she actually hasn’t said anything and the girl decided in her infinite logic that that must automatically mean dad cheated (why else would they do this to her? *kid logic*).
Especially when they’ve most likely overheard fights about Chris’ cross dressing, and cheating does seem a more likely interpretation for “how long have you been hiding this?” and “you have a whole other life” and so forth. Plus, with shouty-wife and guilty-faced-husband, it does fit the stereotypical cheater scenario.
OR, Chris was seeing his dom without informing his wife, and the wife found out.
That, to me, is cheating.
To my mind it would depend on what happened. If there was no sexual contact (as I believe a lot of professional doms don’t have sex with their subs/clients) then I wouldn’t view it as cheating at all.
I am aware that my attitude towards cheating is atypical, as my reaction would basically be “was there something they felt unable to get from the relationship?” But I’m poly, so my attitude is also that it’s freakin’ hard for one person to give their partner everything they need.
This is turning into a tangent, but – I’m poly as well, and for me, cheating is breaking your relationship agreements and lying about it. For me personally, to know if it was cheating, I’d need to know what Chris and his ex-wife agreed to.
Of course this is complicated by the fact that many monogamous people don’t actually discuss or negotiate what their monogamy entails. And then you get posting in Internet forums saying things like “He let his ex stay on the couch while I was out of town! I say it’s cheating but he says it’s fine… which of us is right?”
I suspect this is a poly thing (hey guys!) but yeah, I would consider a partner seeing a Dom (with no sex) as being about the same as seeing a massage therapist. Yeah there’s physical contact, but not the kind that “breaks the rules” so to me it would be fine. But monos are kind of crazy to me, I know a hetro girl who thought her boyfriend masturbating was “cheating”, and I was like “Seriously? It’s his body and his dick and he’s had both longer than you!” Talk about your major insecurities/control-freak. These are also often the people who freak out over their partner having opposite-sex or gay friends. Like I’m just- if you trust them so little why are you even together?
Different people have different comfort levels with different things. This includes different poly couples. I’m sure there are a few who’d be very upset by it. I know one couple where the husband really wanted to get a tattoo, but stopped himself, because his wife was so bothered by them and would feel betrayed if he did. She left it up to him ultimately, but he worried so much about her comfort levels he chose not to (ironically, they are into S&M).
I’m monogamous and I would only feel betrayed if my husband didn’t talk about it first…but not in the same way as if he cheated on me. More sad he’d hide such a personal aspect of his life and not even try invite me into it rather than I’d feel like he was going to leave me for another person.
Then again, I’m kind of GGG and would even consider going poly or opening our marriage if that’s something he ever wanted to try…so maybe I’m not the best example of a typical monogamous wife.
I didn’t realize this was the happening place for us poly folk, although to be honest it does make sense. Even some common ideas of “cheating” can be difficult to pin down. Most people would think having sex with someone other than your partner(s) is cheating, but what’s sex, exactly? I wouldn’t consider the examples given here of seeing a dom without your partner’s knowledge as cheating, but I would see the inability to discuss this need with the partner as a far bigger issue than anything else. (No, I don’t understand monogamy either, even if I do respect a person’s choice to be monogamous.)
Cheating is all about wrecking trust. If people just *talked* about things, it wouldn’t be such an issue. My exes cheated on me horribly, and it was silly as I’d have been more than happy to have an open relationship as long as they were upfront and honest about it. Ironically, the one who lied about it the worst was super traditional—which is pretty silly, because he would have been so much happier being poly. He got married, had a kid, and I am betting he *still* cheats. It’s too bad really.
And here to provide a poly voice that would still call that cheating, while I know plenty of dom/mes (especially the professional ones) don’t have sex with their subs, keeping something like that (along with the cross dressing and clubbing and such) a secret would not only fit the bill of cheating in my book but would also, in most courts over here, be counted as having an affair. Odds are, Chris would have been more willing to having an affair to speed up the divorce than to have his wife drag out all the messy details of the S&M and crossdressing in court. I can only speak for US courts but if the UK courts are even remotely similar, that’s the sort of stuff that would get a parent restricted to supervised visitation only if he got visitation at all.
Yeah, another poly person here agreeing with you. In my book, if you’re doing something intimate with someone in a way that you haven’t informed other partner(s) about and you feel like they’d feel hurt/betrayed if they knew, then it’s likely that you’re cheating.
Ooh, that older girl has some anger in her. Likely hurt, too.
Didn’t Chris say he went to dommes while he was married? Even with no sex involved, the wife would likely view it as cheating.
Yeah, I was thinking this was the case, especially if Chris and his ex didn’t have great communication skills as Chris has with Anwar.
To be honest, when I first read the page I jumped to thinking “Wait, did the mom LIE and say Chris was cheating with Anwar!?” but after realizing that it could’ve been while Chris was seeing dommes, I sort of understand her more.
She still seems like a sort of not-so-fun lady to be around, but I think maybe that comes from having been hurt and not being able to understand Chris’s wants or needs. It’s sad that it’s been translated as this and that it’s rubbed off onto one of the kids :/
As an American, “me Mam was Brum” sounds so funny to me.
Also I believe “must have” is more correct, but a lot of people make the same mistake and write “of” instead of have or ‘ve. So … her being a child, it kinda makes sense that she would? I guess??
I don’t think I learned that “must have”/”should have”/”could have” etc. was correct until I was older than her. And even then, many people who aren’t sticklers for grammatically correct English forget that rule and say “of” a lot. I’m fairly certain Tab wrote her phrasing this way intentionally.
As an American, that sentence would’ve made no sense to me two years ago – and then I moved to the UK :P I hear “Brummie” slightly more often, though.
Yeah, Anwar developed a sudden cockney accent in my head when I read that line. I really don’t know British phrases and dialects, I guess.
Wow… Just wow. That girl is way the hell out of line. I can understand being hurt, I can understand wanting to lash out somewhat, and I can understand general teenage anger and attitude in a situation like this, but she just insulted *Anwar’s* dad.
That was NOT called for!
To be fair (and don’t get me wrong, I cringe when I say that), She doesn’t know who Anwar is, and her assuming Anwar’s dad cheated didn’t come from her just being an angsty bratty kid who just wanted to insult him. She jumped to that conclusion because it reminds her of her own situation where, apparently, either her mother or she believed Chris was cheating, too.
Yeah, it was insulting, but I don’t think she was just slinging an insult at him just because “I’ve got attitude, rawr”
Anwar said “did”, and I don’t think young teenagers really want to think about the fact that their parents will die some day. So, she came to the only conclusion that made sense to her, and was close to her life.
Fair points, both of you, and probably more likely than the girl purposefully insulting ‘War. I guess what I thought I saw was her getting a dig in at dad and not caring that she was insulting Anwar’s dad at the same time.
I tend to assume the worst in teenagers after some of the absolute brats I met in high school.
She’s a hurt kid whose stuck in the middle of a messy divorce. Even if the mother weren’t trying to poison her against Chris, which it sounds like she is, it’s perfectly normal for her to be angry and lashing out. On top of that, she’s looking right at Chris. It’s clear she’s taking a jab at him, not War or War’s dad, regardless of what she’s actually saying. Yeah, it’s out of line, but again, we’re talking about a kid here. They aren’t exactly known for having the best filters and/or social skills.
Oh, dude… I have no words for how badly this next installment is going to be. That kid’s either going to get a non-verbal ‘fuck you’, or Anwar’s going to storm out or something akin to that.
I dunno, I think ‘War’s probably going to go down the “blunt but not lashing out back at her” route. I can see him cutting a child a little more slack than he would an adult – plus, ‘War has a history of saying some horrible things because of his own emotional turmoil, so I think he could probably empathise with this girl.
No. Not if he has the slightest intuition about kids. They can say very blunt/cruel/judgmental things, but often it’s really not meant to hurt. Stooping to that level is wrong to everyone—especially the child, and it does little to actually teach and/or discipline them. Being a parent or even a role model means that you have to be the grownup and give respect in order to get it back. This doesn’t mean you let rude behavior slide, but it’s important to think of yourself as a super hero or some kind of amazing authority figure with amazing patience. Because that’s what kids *need*—especially children who have been through hell.
I expect Anwar knows that the “no, my dad passed..” route would suffice, because it would give the girl a pretty bad case of foot-in-mouth syndrome while also hopefully reminding her that she’s lucky to at least still have a father who cares about her so much. It might upset him, but I don’t actually expect him to get angry this time.
im actually kinda 1000% sure that if anwar reacts like: hes dead the girl is gonna swallow her tongue so hard. i dont think her anger would get in the way of some mighty embarrasment, and if anything shed mutter sorry and leave the table which is a rather teenager thing to do.
i actually dont think anwars gonna be angry at her about this? like, he so far has handled shit rather great.
Yeah, I don’t think he’ll be angry. After all, his parents were happy, so this is likely not a touchy subject for him. And he doesn’t get angry easily, usually.
Plus, it would be a great opportunity to just watch her be embarassed. And maybe remind her how lucky she is that her dad is alive.
I’m really hoping for that to happen in the next few pages. She has shoved her foot so far into her mouth throughout the evening, a major dose of humility and embarrassment would do her good.
An apology would be nice, but I’m not expecting miracles.
Aaaand the teenage daughter just stepped in it, and doesn’t even know it, yet.
I can’t decide if Chris’ reaction is because he know’s War’s dad is dead and is embarrassed because his daughter is being rude, or because she’s airing family grievances and he’s embarrassed because she’s being rude.
Long story short, if she were my daughter, I’d be calling her on this bull PDQ. She’s got a bug up her ass and needs to get it removed with all speed.
I love the fact that the little one actually knew enough to understand that Pakistan is a long way away rather than having to ask “where?”
The older one I sincerely feel for. Whether it is information she got from her mother, from chatty neighbors or family, assumed on her own, and whether or not there’s any validity to it, that poor girl is hurting. (The core question I hear in those words is whether adults stop loving so easily, and therefore parents might also stop loving their children.)
See, this kid’s gonna get lucky. Because if that was me, dinner would be over and company would be asked to leave. After that, I’m not sure. Never had the chance to find out because like a good kid I’m terrified of my parents.
Being terrified of your parents isn’t a good, healthy, or right thing.
Respectful (if they’ve earned it), yes. Scared, no.
Agreed. No one should be scared of their parents; it’s not normal or healthy. Respect and fear/intimidation are not the same thing.
…People eat curry with a fork? o.O;;; I don’t understand. Spoons make more sense to me. Unless you’re Leeyum Payne(Intheass).
I’ve never seen anyone eat it with a spoon…
Satan’s balls, she’s one of those kids. Regardless of what put them in that mindset, there are few things in life more rage inducing than a teenager who constantly wants to prove how little of a fuck they give about anything.
Being from a family where I was always having to stick up for my Mum because my father always assumed she had an affair rather than admit his own failings for the relationship breaking down I can kind of relate to this girl. Parents do say shit like that to their kids and kids tend to side with the parent they live with. It’s not her fault she’s having to deal with their emotional baggage.
This is why I can’t deal with kids. They’re too blunt and lack restraint. I’d never do anything to hurt one or lash out at them, but it’s too much to deal with. I can’t handle it in an adult, and I can handle it only slightly more in a kid.
I can’t people. That’s all there is to it. Small people, big people, my-size people. I can’t.
Oh for goodness sake. Id be so angry if I were Chris.
I hope Anwar thinks of a polite yet devastating way to say his father is dead and puts this urchin in her place.
as for the cheating they might have told the children it was that because people tend avoid saying “Daddy cross dresses for fun” and they probably didnt want to get into the dominatrix part either with the kids.
Great page! However, in the first panel the kid should be saying “he must HAVE loved her”, not “must of”.
Sadly a lot of little ones back home in Blighty say ‘of’ instead of ‘have’ in these sentences because they’re so used to the contraction ‘should’ve’ and assume it’s someone saying ‘should of’ quickly instead of contracting ‘should have’, and because they try so hard to pronounce things properly they say ‘should of’ very proudly because they figured out exactly what you meant. And then you get some parents who don’t really know much better who kinda reinforce that. I think it’s more of an accurate representation of how some kids talk rather than an error on Tab’s part.
I mean, I know grown adults who still make this mistake verbally and in writing.
I have friends who speak this way. I’m constantly correcting my sister for “should of, would of, must of” etc. It doesn’t help that my mother is 65 and still makes this mistake. It really reinforces the girl’s innocence, childish grammar, still learning, not a grammar freak and jaded, destined to grow up like Mommy Dearest and Mouthy Teen Angst Queen next to her.
Exactly!
I think for me the big thing is that this comes on the heels of “you can’t be a REAL Brit ’cause you’re not white!” Those questions about his birth (and perhaps more importantly his parent’s) really read to me as her going “tell us how British you REALLY are.”
That, of course, is racist douchebaggery. After that it feels like she’s determined to find things to dislike.
I’m with you on the older daughter. I’d be willing to bet the younger one is genuinely curious and just a bit clueless – she probably assumed “he’s not white, so he’s probably foreign! Cool! I wonder where he’s from?” I was like that once– I acquired more sense and tact eventually >_<.
The older one, though… hooo boy. Especially the defensive, "She's just asking a question! [A perfectly innocent question that is IN NO WAY steeped in racist assumptions! *cough*]".
I'm also getting the distinct sense she really didn't want to see her dad at all, feels like she's been dragged into this, and now resents everything and everyone.
Yeah. Cannot take the racism coming out of the older one’s mouth. I get that she’s acting out because her life is falling apart, but that’s not a free ticket to be racist. I get that kids behave badly sometimes and that doesn’t mean they’ll be bad adults. But, for that to happen she needs to learn this is bad behavior and to stop it. I hope she gets a reprimand for the specifically racist shit she’s doing.
Seriously, stop hating the girl. Or, at least, stop hating her for the “cheating” comment (have all the hate for the racism, though^^).
As far as I understood it, Chris was seeing a domme while he was still with his wife without her knowledge. So, that’s cheating. (yep, seeing a sex worker for sexual things in a monogamous relationship *is* cheating. I don’t know why anybody thinks it’s not.)
And she doesn’t say it because she wants to hurt Anwar or Chris, she says it because her parents divorced when her father had cheated, so of course that’s the most logical thought for her.
She can’t know that Anwar’s father is dead.
Have you never been in the situation where a child said “I live with my father and his new wife!” and you asked “and do you see your mother sometimes?”, only to get to know that the mother is dead? Shit like that happens. It’s not necessarily malevolence.
THANK YOU. Seriously why is everyone expecting a teenage girl to act polite and rational when her life gets upturned by a messy divorce?
Yeah, she’s being rude but it’s totally understandable and I’m sure Anwar gets that
Thank you! x2, for the comment on the cheating (poly person here – lying about whom you are seeing is cheating, regardless of your relationship structure) and the new wife/dead mom comment. I’m that kid. Honestly, you get used to it. People simply don’t assume that your parents are dead when you’re a kid/teenager/under 30, and I don’t expect them to.
… I feel kind of bad for the older girl – she is going to feel like crap when Anwar tells her his father died. I don’t care what her reaction will be, inside she will feel really shitty and know she crossed a line.
Obviously the girl is hurting. She’s not handling it well, but has anyone given her any advice on how to handle it? Hell I was glad when my mother kicked my dad out and the school freaked and made me go to counselling.
lol Chris looks like he is trying to tell his eldest to shut up before she scares off his boyfriend
More like he’s feeling guilty because she’s silently accusing him for ruining her life by cheating on her mom with a Dom
True true
Aaaw damn. Now I wish I was going to Banzaicon even more :c
That little twerp just became my favorite charicter in the show
WHOA THERE. Diner just got a lot more complicated really fast, but then again, that girl wasn’t in a good mood to begin with : O
“What do you want?” – Mr Morden
Its a remarkably useful question, especially if you’re trying to work out why someone is behaving in a particular way. Pearl (I assume the eldest is Pearl) wants to make Chris suffer but there’s more to it than that. Think down through the layers of cause and effect and you’ll find out where that anger is really coming from.
Have I missed an update on Tab taking a week off? It’s Tuesday and still no page 73 :(
I feel you, also confused
Yeeeoch!
Harsh, lil lady.
I empathize with the teenage girl here because my dad did the same to my mother. Now, as an adult I still feel and know that what he did was wrong, but I still love my dad. I can now love with him without implying or admitting that cheating was okay. The difference between me and the girl, is that my father never admitted to cheating and my own mother had to be the one to tell me. I understand that rage and sadness that she feels, it was so unfair, and it is–maybe in time things will smooth over for this kid.
random time to mention this but- i like how the characters in the comic(esp anwar) are imperfect. it helps me accept myself even tho i am socially imperfect at times.