Shades After 063
It’s okay JD, we love you!
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A collection of Queer LGBT* Comics by Tab Kimpton
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I remember this. I still feel this way, sometimes.
Poor JD. I can sympathize, or empathize – I feel fairly genderqueer on the inside, but for the purposes of my everyday life, want male pronouns, attire, etc. (At least for now.) On a happier note- starting “T” (testosterone) tomorrow!!! I’ve wanted to be on it for about ten months, and finally get my first shot tomorrow! I’m really happy and excited. (Plus, last week my parents were adorable enough to watch a transgender-themed documentary with me. Yay for growing happiness and acceptance!)
:D Thank you for the happy story! More happy nonbinary stories!!
(And for those listening without a happy story yet: More sad nonbinary stories! More mundane nonbinary stories! More nonbinary stories all around!)
Another person who’s going to be sharing my hormone date!
Although for me I’m male and it’s been nearly four years coming. Still doesn’t feel like it’s actually going to happen, but I know it will, and it will for everyone out there, maybe not tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or even next year, but eventually. Hope is never entirely futile.
(Wow that got a bit serious.)
Anyway, congrats and good luck!
Oh god damn I know that feeling, it took me four years to get T as well, and another four to have my first op. I remember not feeling sure it was ever actually going to happen until it had, too.
(Shamefully I’m in the UK, where it will take at least an eighth that time frame but shouldn’t take half that long. Just… Eurgh.)
But it does happen. Just don’t give up!
And I didn’t write the above comment to gloat – I just wanted to convey the hope that things will get better, and that change and acceptance and happiness can be possible, even if you thought them unattainable before. I felt it difficult to imagine a future before, and now I can.
Don’t worry, you didn’t come across as gloating at all :) You just sound like someone who’s really happy to have their transition going well.
Thanks. I can definitely sympathize with JD though – I also live in a city where most people are bilingual, or have some knowledge of, multiple languages, and in English, “they” is ok as a pronoun, but in French/Spanish, etc. “they” doesn’t really exist… yet? Options are being discussed among the trans community, but it’s hard to consistently ask to use a pronoun when you have to change languages. It’s getting better, but it’s difficult.
I understand how JD feels. I’m genderqueer and it took me SO LONG to feel okay even saying that to myself. I’m bi, and I came out as that first. I felt like I couldn’t be bi and trans* especially something non-binary, and maybe I just wanted to be different all the time.
I have really understanding friends though, and one day when I couldn’t hold it in anymore, she told me I was being an idiot and of course I could be both. I’ve just recently started playing with my presentation and everything, trying to find where I feel comfortable. I’m glad it worked out okay for JD in the end, it’s nice to see they’ve been in this place too.
Wow, thank you Tab.
It’s nice to see that articulated. I admit that I’ve mostly given up on
myself because of that exact reason. I don’t even believe myself sometimes, so why should anyone else?
This works on so many levels and for so many of us in variant gender or sexual identities (or both). Coming out as poly you get told you’re just being greedy or trendy or whatever, any kind of gender expression is “just attention-seeking” when neither of those things is about that. I don’t really give a flip what anyone thinks of me, I just want to live my life and love whom I love- if I want to do that in pants and pink hair and with three people I think that is only mine (and their) business.
This one really hits close to home. At least, for the moment I identify as genderqueer, but when I was younger I only knew of cis and trans, and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the hell I was. Even now, I’m still not sure, if I might be trans deep down, since I still don’t feel that I’m truly being myself. But, that could also be because my genderqueerness doesn’t get acknowledged at all, since I haven’t come out to anyone, and I can’t pull off being androgynous…
I felt like this for the longest time too. When I was little I would think I didn’t like being a girl and it didn’t feel right, but I would think I didn’t want to be a boy and being that young, I didn’t know there were other options. And the world made it worse because even at that age I heard ‘penis envy’ enough times to make me assume all girls felt that way. Which looped back to ‘I don’t like being called a girl’. It sucked. After finding out NB is a thing, I feel a lot better, if still a little bad because I’m lacking a binder.
I’ve been interested in binders, even before I started to realize myself.
I don’t really have the funds for it presently though, and on top of that my chest is quite big, so I’m not sure how much good it’d do. But, I’m trying to loose weight and hoping that I can get down to a size where I’d be able to make myself look androgynous.
I never understood how being somewhere in the middle of the gender or sexual orientation was “being greedy”. Why can’t people be both? Or none? Or flip between the two? I mean I guess I know why people think that but it doesn’t make them sound any less stupid.
I was having problems with my gender expression, I’m physically comfortable with being female but I naturally come off as very masculine and I like the idea of presenting as male but thought I couldn’t because that would be insulting to trans people or something. Finally I told my best friend (who is trans male) what I was feeling and he’s like “you dope, you can do whatever makes you comfortable”. I still don’t because I have to deal with adults in a professional manner all the time but whenever I go to the gay bar with my friend I dress masculine and it makes me really happy.
I honestly don’t get it, either. Though I wonder if it comes from the same place as some hetero/homosexual people saying that bisexua people are greedy and can’t decide.
I guess so. Some people think you can be only one or the other but to me that’s like only being able to see the world in monochrome or 2D. How can people be so blind of the other possibilities?
Everyone is hated on the Internet. It’s one of those universal things, like death and taxes.
Also, note to self: as a primary care nurse practitioner, I need to remember to take everyone seriously. I’m pretty good about it, but it’s always helpful to get a reminder.
Oh, JD, poor baby. Of course you can be everything, you can be whatever you want, whatever you are. I wasn’t such a huge fan of JD because I feel a bit uncomfortable with extremely extrovert people (not that I don’t like them, it’s just that I’m so much the opposite) but seeing them actually show this kind of “weakness”, this softer side that can suffer and hurt and be sensitive, I relate to that a lot more, I really like that. Kudos for that.
Also JD’s fat and that is always something that I relate to, as another fat person. I really like that about them.
I love the way Tab draws JD’s fat now you mention it. The way the flesh moves/lies it’s really skillfully done.
Everyone hates you on the internet in any case.
Ohh JD…
this section of the internet loves you!
oh, right in my feels That hit home
“Attention seeking special snowflake.”
Swankivy’s latest video, Letters to an Asexual 26, has a detractor who throws this around like it’s going out of style. I’ve never had anyone actually say this to my fave before, though.
Is this just an Internet phenomenon? Or am I just intimidating in person?
Nah, it’s just everyone’s a badass on the internet. Making fun of a stranger’s pain with little to no consequence is the official internet sport.
What annoys me about the “attention seeking special snowflake” bullshit is that I never once thought like that. First I thought I was broken and a freak, and then when I learned that asexuality is a legit thing I was like “oh, this is normal”, especially since I wandered on to AVEN and found out at least two of my friends in real life also identified as ace. I don’t know any ace person, or genderqueer person, or anyone who isn’t hetero-cis who wants to be treated like they’re special, just have their differences acknowledged and treated with dignity and respect. But I think part of the reason why people want to make it look like we just want to be seen as “unique” and crave attention comes from the one time Fox News was forced to acknowledge asexuality. They were all pissed and saying things like “Do we REALLY have to acknowledge another sexual orientation? Don’t we have enough already?” like it was some kind of burden to have to acknowledge another facet of human sexuality. Maybe some posses just little imagination that having to think beyond their own experiences is truly a chore, and I feel nothing but pity for those troglodytes.
I have been reading your comics for about seven years and have always been a lurker rather than commenter, but this… Thank you. I was beyond excited by the thought of having a non-binary character, but to have you include the doubt, the same doubt that has kept me from coming out to more than my closest friends since I began to identify with the term six years ago… wow. I’m really looking forward to seeing where you go with this.
Thank you.
Oh darlin :(
When your hands start shaking and you can’t stop your voice from wobbling and pitching all over the place, that’s your body telling you that no matter how much you want to make a problem smaller or pretend it’s not there, this is the honest heart of the matter and you’re going to have to look it in the face. It’s hard and it’s scary, thank everything for friends who’ll be there even if they don’t know what the answer is either.
Oh, JD, not everyone hates everyone on the internet. And this section right here ADORES you! :)
Poor JD :-( and I am so sorry for anyone who is struggling through this.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend I get it, however I have love for all decent people and their gender, or lack there-of.
If you are one of those struggling with the same issues as JD, or even if you aren’t, please don’t hide because there are assholes who will call you “attention-seeking.” If after people show you sympathy and say “Oh yeah, I feel that too!” you’re like, “No! Only *I* feel this way and no one else!” then yeah, you’re being a bit of a twat…
To me, it seems that when it comes to support, the internet has a rule 64 of that…. not the porn part, well, theres that too, but… Nevermind. My point is, is that I think there’s a support community for just about everything. If there isn’t one for you? Create it! Either you will draw people in who really do care and want to learn (like me), or you will be that ray of light for someone who does feel like they’re alone.
Please don’t stay silent; I think the more people who open up about their issues, the more we can learn, normalize it, and work towards making everyone happy in the skin they’re in.
Huge hugs from me for everyone who needs it! And hell, even if you don’t, I’m hugging you anyway! :-P ^_^
*I have love for all decent people *regardless of their gender, or lack there-of.
lol I should proof-read my comments :-P
I love JD so much. I wish I was them. Fat and happy and genderqueer and occasionally unsure and doing whatever the hell they want. So I guess what I’m saying is, thank you.
Also those little chafe lines from the binder, do I ever sympathise, ow.
Can you get chafing lines from a binder extending a bit below the binder?
YES THIS SO MUCH. People who are genderqueer get a lot of shit for it especially on places like reddit, where non-binary identities are turned into a joke
There are non-binary subreddirs but they are remote and no activity on them whatsoever. Everwhere else is like walking into a open feild in hunting season almost.
I sympathize with JD, I’m not genderqueer so I don’t know how that feels. But I am asexual, aromantic wanting a queerplatonic relationship with a person who’s personality matches. It’s taken me a long time to figure out what it was I actually sought after in a relationship. I first identified as bisexual but that didn’t match, than to biromantic but that didn’t fit either. So I understand the confusion of seeking for something that matches. And while you intelectually know there are others that feel the same, it’s hard to believe that when all around you, people don’t understand how you feel. I’m blessed with a best friend who doesn’t judge and keeps my hope up and is able to cheer me up when I’m feeling down because of the confusion.
Poor JD. The sad thing is, you are what you are, and you can’t just change that to make people like you. Some parts of the internet hate you for being born in a female body in the first place, and being gender non-conforming only makes their hate worse.
And “greedy” has nothing to do with it. (I could never understand that mindset. If I want to drink wine mixed with water, am I more greedy than someone who drinks a glass of the same size, with pure wine? After all, it’s not as if bisexuals have more sex automatically, and as for gender, it’s only greedy if you have male privilege and want affirmative action meant for women, too – poor JD most obviously doesn’t have any kind of privilege – getting hit on by badly behaved heterosexual men AND having to deal with the pain of binding her breasts is not “greedy”, it’s the opposite.)
Tab, you’re a darling. Thank you so much for the all the representation you’ve provided for everyone in your work.
This page is so important to me. It really touched me deeply, being non-binary and having experienced all of those things (“special snowflake”, questionning myself, hatred from cis AND trans binary people, ignorant health “professionals”…). I love JD so much and see so much of myself in them. I can never thank you enough for this story! Representation is so so so important!