Shades After 013
Testing the automatic update system- let’s see how this goes!
I made a new minority monster- check Madame Lucie Decline over here:
Madame Lucie Decline the Asexual Succubus
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Family. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them!
Try telling that to someone who’s tried coming out of the closet to his conservative family, and is subsequently disowned. In which case, it’s, “Can’t live with them.”
I’m sorry, that really sucks. My mom came around after she divorced the bastard. Don’t write off everybody, some may be secretly on your side but don’t dare say so.
I want to love Momwar but she makes it hard.
She’s being a misandric homophobe. What’s there to love?
Well she does have that magical scarf that changes shoulders…
She’s not being homophobic here, she never told him “It’s wrong to be with another man” she’s talking about the age difference -_-
Would she still be taking it out on the age difference if Anwar were dating an older woman? I doubt it.
She even specified a few pages back that she would have been fine with him being gay. If Chris were a woman old enough to be his mother, yeah, she probably would be making just as much of a fuss. As a parent, if someone my age were going for one of my kids, I would be a little uneasy about it. That’s a pretty normal response for a parent without making them homophobic or misnandric.
I believe she was lying about being okay with him being gay.
Not everyone hates having gay family you know…
Gray, I gather you had a tough coming-out to your family. I agree that Anwar’s mother is being judgmental (and we’re pretty clearly meant to sympathise with ‘War here), but it reminds me a little of Charlie’s mom when she game out as trans.
Problem is, when you expose people to something so radically different… Yeah, a lot of the time, they do react badly. That’s not Anwar’s fault – it would probably have gone better if he had had the chance to ease her into it, but circumstances played their part. A great deal of it is born out of ignorance and, tiring as it is, there’s a big difference between that and hatred. The biggest difference is that ignorance, gradually, is cured by simple exposure and learning – and also that, shocked that Momwar might be, I could not EVER see her doing something drastic like disowning Anwar/forbidding him from seeing Chris/etc.
I can understand that you are frustrated to see people sing her praises, when really her attitude isn’t okay (also her misandry is pretty inexcusable by my above points). But I also think you’re taking her fairly standard reaction – which is probably also caused in part by discovering that her baby is DATING again, after the whole emotional disaster with JD – and turning her into a demon. In reality, I think despite her misgivings she’ll support Anwar in this path he’s taking (and I also genuinely believe that, with some moe time to see what the actual situation is, she’ll come round to it herself). That’s the mark of a good parent.
Yes this. It’s an unfortunate but very real reaction, and I can see it coming from equal parts love and worry and shock, we’re not always our best selves in these situations. I think she will realise that she’s said many wrong things and regret it and apologise, though, so I guess I’m just waiting patiently for that now
Jesus H. Fuck, misandry is not a real thing.
Thank you for being the one to say it. *fist-bumps*
Wait, hatred of men is not a real thing?!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tQSOlF9ZZM
Um, yeah, even without groups like SCUM, or the blatant hatred of men seen in from feminists on some site called Tumblr, how could you deny that there are people who have hatred, prejudice, and willingly discriminate against men?
Oh, uh, I should give a warning first. The link takes you to a video featuring a Swedish feminist group called SCUM. The video shows a woman shooting a man in the head (it’s staged), and then her and several other feminists dance in celebration.
So, uh, graphic violence warning ^_^;
Actually, phrases like ”man up” are misogynistic, not misandrist. They imply that being feminine is somehow inherently shameful and bad; you don’t get much more misogynistic than that.
Does this kind of thing affect men negatively? I’m sure it does. That’s called toxic masculinity, and is a bi-product of patriarchal society, NOT feminism.
”Women and children first” is also sexist towards women as well as disadvantageous towards men; it operates on the assumption that women are weaker and need to be protected.
Some feminists hate men, yes. But that doesn’t mean that feminsm as a whole is inclined towards hatred of men. Feminism is about believing in equality for all genders, but focuses primarily on women because the way in which women are marginalised by society needs to be addressed specifically.
And no, misandry is not culturally prevalent on the same scale as misogyny at all. The fact that a few hate groups exist doesn’t change the cultural imbalance. Does that mean that hate groups are ok or should just be brushed off? No. But it still doesn’t change the fact that women are marginalised for their gender on a far greater scale than men. There is no ”cultural disposition towards misandry.”
I totally agree with you about misandry. I would just like to add for everyone that REAL feminism isn’t like that and like other concepts like anarchy some people don’t apply it the right way, but I won’t get all in details here.
However, I think you should keep Xavier’s comment in mind – it’s pretty much in my line of thinking and hope the message kinda get across, even if you disagree with it.
But while hate for men does exist, a cultural attitude of hatred and prejudice and oppression doesn’t, which I think is what they meant when they said misandry doesn’t exist (as compared to misogyny, that is)
That’s still wrong. SCUM isn’t a fluke, there’s a whole culture that believe men are utilities, not people. Gender-based selective service, “women and children first,” and phrases like “man-up” are misandry.
Same as phrases like, “Get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich,” is misogyny.
Then there’s the sentencing disparity between genders. A man and a woman can commit the same crime under the same circumstances, and the man will serve more time than the woman.
So yes, actually, there is a cultural disposition towards misandry. And if you still don’t believe there’s a culture of misandry in modern society…
https://www.google.com/search?q=tumblr+feminist&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&channel=sb#rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=sb&q=tumblr+%23yesallwomen
Warning: incoming dumb.
Actually, phrases like ”man up” are misogynistic, not misandrist. They imply that being feminine is somehow inherently shameful and bad; you don’t get much more misogynistic than that.
Does this kind of thing affect men negatively? I’m sure it does. That’s called toxic masculinity, and is a bi-product of patriarchal society, NOT feminism.
”Women and children first” is also sexist towards women as well as disadvantageous towards men; it operates on the assumption that women are weaker and need to be protected.
Some feminists hate men, yes. But that doesn’t mean that feminsm as a whole is inclined towards hatred of men. Feminism is about believing in equality for all genders, but focuses primarily on women because the way in which women are marginalised by society needs to be addressed specifically.
And no, misandry is not culturally prevalent on the same scale as misogyny at all. The fact that a few hate groups exist doesn’t change the cultural imbalance. Does that mean that hate groups are ok or should just be brushed off? No. But it still doesn’t change the fact that women are marginalised for their gender on a far greater scale than men. There is no ”cultural disposition towards misandry.”
oh lord, I shouldn’t be finding this funny at all but the way she felt all disappointed because of the age and how he looks is humorous….lord -_- ita not every day you hear parents criticizing their childrens choice of partner…gay or not lol
in all honesty though, she doesn’t come off as homophobic here….just not into the whole of idea of him having an ugly boyfriend…..ugh I dunno -_- it doesn’t come off homophobe to me but im probably wrong as usual *eyeroll*
She’s being ageist and misogynistic but not really homophobic, she said she could learn to accept that and she seems to have actually done that with commendable speed. But she’s turned swiftly around to attacking the age difference under the premise that she’s just concerned that someone older and more experienced is taking advantage of her “baby”. And the misogyny is the pretty cut’n’dried variety of “All men- want sex/cheat/are abusers/are rapists (check all that apply).
I think the humor that saves this scene from being ‘totally awful’ to ‘funny when it’s happening to someone else’ is how she immediately shifts gears to “It’s ok to be gay but honey don’t you think you can do better?” (which I got a lot of for liking butches)
I think the word you’re looking for is either “misandrist” or just “sexist”. Misogyny is specifically prejudice or hatred toward women.
Ditto, it’s misandry. She’s just covering up her misandry and homophobia with the age gap. She’s basically gone to war (no pun intended) and is using that as ammunition, when really she’s taken issue with something else entirely. It’s really horrible.
That said, Tab is doing an amazing job portraying how difficult it is to come out of the closet to a close-minded parent. This whole situation feels very real, and I can see this happening to me or someone else who’s coming out for the first time.
No, “misogyny” is the right word. “All men want sex” is the backlash of “Women must be convinced to fuck, no matter what they say.” Misandry’s not a real thing, because women don’t have the societal power to oppress men.
Misogyny and misandry are on their own not an oppression, they are personal views of hatred. Neither are a majority opinion. If one can exist so can the other. So, yeah. Misandry is a real thing. Because some women just hate men.
I wrote it as Misogyny because it’s like patriarchy, both oppress Both genders with ridiculous strict gender roles. Misogyny is as damaging to men with its promotion that men are brutish beasts incapable of feeling or reacting in any way but instinctively.
And gynocentrism, the drive to put women above all else, also is damaging to both genders.
Some women hating men is not the same thing as widespread institutionalized discrimination against men, which doesn’t exist. Misandry is not a real thing.
So, analogously, I suppose homosexuality is not a real thing where there is not whole social integration, acceptance, visibility and prestige of homosexual people as homoesexual people?
Marzo, the correct analogy would be that heterophobia is not a thing in the same way that homophobia is a thing. You haven’t societies and institutions murdering and discriminating against straight people or men just for being straight or male. Whereas people are murdered and discriminated against everyday for being not-straight or female.
Old thread is old, but seriously, guys, lay off the MRA bullshit and start readind more on privilege, patriarchy and toxic masculinity models.
Exasperated face smoosh! :D
considering the amount of new information thrown at her, I think she’s handling it better than a lot of mothers would.
I’m actually a fan of Anwar’s mom here. She’s been blindsided by her son having a really uncommon sexuality/current romantic situation, and she isn’t telling him to go to hell, she’s telling him he deserves better. Her only blindspot is that she doesn’t yet understand that Chris *is* good for her son, because Anwar hasn’t told her jack shit about the situation until now and he had in fact let her assume from his one prior relationship that he did prefer girls and ones about his age. I expect she will continue to freak out from worrying about him for awhile but eventually come around. Ignorance isn’t the same as phobia, and I think she’s too smart and loves her son too much to let her surprise/worry turn into a hate.
You’re subtly blaming Momwar’s mother for her poor reaction, and dismissing her misandric and homophobic reaction as normal. Anwar isn’t responsible for his mother making a public scene and despising same sex couples.
Crap, this needs an edit button. That should say, “You’re subtly blaming Anwar for his mother’s poor reaction.”
gray, i am gay and a parent. i too would be upset over a significant age gap if my child was in a relationship with someone that i wasn’t sure about. while i would be upset, i still want my child to explore and find love wherever they can. i still would give advice, wanted or not, if i felt it was needed. i will always ask my child questions because i want to know what they are doing and how they feel about their life. you can expect a parent to just accept whatever their child does with unquestioning faith, but reality doesn’t work that way. if you have negative interactions with your parents, i do empathize with it. while war’s mum is a fictional character, i would hope you would not judge every parent’s kneejerk actions as harshly.
Agree, points to her for diplomacy and good choice of words.
…Low standards. MOMWAR NO. Pfft, wait until she meets him for real. It coming up that he’s a kinky transvestite is going to be interesting. I do hope she apologizes for making such a scene at his GRADUATION of all places, though, that was not cool. I like her again though; she’s accepting the lot of things Anwar is throwing at her pretty much immediately, it’s awesome. Good Mama.
I love how mom’s just HAVE to win in the end.
Sarcasm much? El oh el. I see you too have dealt with a mom that HAS to get the last word in.
Our own or someone else’s, I think everyone has. In my case it’s both mothers, by blood and by marriage, AND they’ve started our marriage hating each other. THIS WILL BE INTERESTING.
But yeah, Mumwar (she’s English chaps!) is coming across as a very realistically flawed parent. It’s believable, and believably painful.
So, is she mad about gender, age difference, not knowing, or just plain “I’m your mother so I have to disapprove?” It’s kind of hard to tell.
I think its the age difference that bothers her most
No, she’s being misandric and homophobic, but covering it up with the age gap so as not to look homophobic. Could you imagine her reacting this way if Anwar were dating an older woman?
Umm … yes. Yes I can.
And I can imagine her reacting much more calm if Anwar dated a boy his age.
Likewise, on both counts. Perhaps finding out a lot of new information about her son at the same time is making it harder, thougb- surprise can make it much harder to process your response to other things.
“I don’t give a damn if you’re gay, or I’ll learn to get used to it anyway, but for god’s sake date someone your own age!”
I love this. I mean I’m offended, and I’d scold Momwar if I could, but I still love this, for reasons. I don’t know, it might just be me, but there’s something about the whole “doesn’t care that you’re gay or whatever, but will still criticize your partner for other reasons” thing that just makes me smile whenever I read it in stories. :P lol
Agreed! Parents that love their kids want them to have good, happy, healthy relationships! Thus the worrying that a partner isn’t good enough for them. It can go bad, but it can also just be a kneejerk protectiveness that goes away once the parent realizes the partner is really making their kid happy.
I think she’s using the age gap to mask her homophobia.
I don’t know about that. My gut tells me that Momwar is probably a pretty progressive person given the time to process various changes in her perception of people/things, but the age gap + the revelation that her son isn’t heterosexual is probably a bit much to handle all at once. Hell I know a few totally accepting people who have been known to react poorly at first, not because they had anything against the idea, ultimately, but just because it was a shock to the system and they needed a bit of time to really process what was happening.
Of course I could be wrong, but I really hope I’m not. Either way though, I think it’s still a bit too early to be writing Momwar off as a homophobe or something equally heinous. Of course she’ll need to apologize for making a scene before, but still, I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt for now. :l
Mumwar has been featured much in the comic, so this is the most we’ve seen her interact with her son. So, yeah, I don’t perceive her in a positive light at all.
Unfortunately for you, the comic doesn’t say that and the only evidence for it is in your own head.
MUMWAR WATER YOU DOING.
I’m having similar issues with my mum regarding the trans thing. I get that mums are protective of their kids (well, most mums) and are worried about them, but….djbgfasjebgvuwgf *smashes face into wall* WOULD IT KILL YOU TO NOT ASSUME THINGS OR PATRONISE YOUR CHILDREN?!
War, I feel you man.
I suddenly remember one movie, I forget what it was, where the main character’s grandmother is overly critical of everyone she dates.
Of boyfriend: “The boy’s a complete schmuck.”
Of girlfriend: “She’s flat-chested!”
Momwar’s comment just reminds me of that :).
THAT was hilarious. I love his mom!
so she can deal with the “I don’t want sex” part, as in “fine whatever you say” kind of way. Now we just have to get her to do the same with the age gap. She might not like it, but she can accept that it is war’s choice and who he chooses just happens to have been born a few years earlier than him. You can do it war!
I wonder how much of Anwar’s mother’s antagonism toward Chris lies in the simplicity of the whole relationship was kept secret from her. I’m crossing my fingers that once she has a little time to get over her shock, she’s willing to really meet and get to know Chris (ideally in a neutral place, like the three of them having dinner out). She’s making a lot of blind judgments right now.
I really think this is a perfectly acceptable reaction (except the men only want sex thing – while a normal stereotype, it’s still not okay.) When I was 17, my parents found out I was dating a 28 year old and they lost it. Gender wasn’t relevant despite my mum being very xian. They were concerned as to what a 28 year old would want with someone my age which is a perfectly reasonable concern. I’m 29 now and can’t imagine going after someone that young and while it turned out the 28 year old back then was just really immature and so we were able to connect, in a lot of cases, someone that old going after a teenager is taking advantage of someone vulnerable and easy to manipulate. When my parents finally sat down with the guy and got to know him, they ended up getting along and are friendly with him to this day. My guess is, once his mum gets a chance to really get to know Chris and understands that he’s not trying to take advantage of Anwar, they’ll do the same.
I’d like to point out to the people insisting she’s a homophobe that she hasn’t commented on Chris’s gender once, just his age and his appearance (I assume from the “low standard” dig)
I really think it is about the age. My brother is dating a woman over 15 years his senior and at first my parents were not cool with it because even though he’s the guy even a much older woman could be taking advantage of him. Of course once they met her they were cool with it because the truth is my brother is really mature and just hates girls his age.
Age gaps with young adults are scary to parents, because like momwar says, they think it’s gonna to take advantage of their inexperienced delicate babies. To assume she is homophobic when she even said out loud that she doesn’t particularly mind the gender is really unfair. I’m sure since they are Muslim that the gender is an issue she would have to work out in her head for a while but right now she is far more concerned about the age and that Chris’s intentions toward her son aren’t entirely honorable.
I am really happy to see this comic, Tab, you presented a very relatable and real situation with both serious and yet with some comic relief to it. I think looking at the situation from the third person point of view really helps with dealing with problems. If I can put things into a third point perspective, I could probably be a little bit more fair of my own parents as well.
omg, you’re killing me with that face smash.