Shades After 010
Almost forgot to upload this- whoops!
Just to remind people I’m off to Scotland MCM comic con in Glasgow this weekend- that means 1) you should come say hi if you’re in the area and 2) I’ll be driving back monday and it takes about 10 hours, so livestream is Tuesday instead!
All of the Shades of A kickstarter orders are finished, which means when I get back I’ll put all the left over books, badges and POOF PANTS up in the store so now everyone can grab it with their meaty hands. : D
Well, that is a good point to be made…
I don’t think so, especially not in such a public area!
Wpw…that’s harsh.
Arguably, no, lady, cause he never asked you to do any of that. ._. You just put him on the spot and he responded honestly.
I could get the age thing if Anwar was actually young, like, a teenager or something, but frankly, he’s, what, mid twenties? And that’s just his boyfriend, it’s not like he said they were engaged. It’s a little fast and sudden to be freaking the hell out over an age gap.
If he’s just graduating, he’d be maybe 21? Assuming he started university at 18 and took the standard length of time for a bachelors degree…
Parents always hate age gaps. Mine freaked out over my perfectly ‘normal’ straight relationship with a guy five years older when I was 19. I think on the heels of apparently suddenly ‘turning gay’, the immediate reaction is that this more experienced man has taken advantage of her poor innocent baby. Remember too that Momwar knows her son wasn’t the typical teen hornball, was quiet and shy of relationships, and a very sweet, eager-to-please darling who seems a little unsure of himself especially when it comes to sex, soperfect pickings for a predatory experienced sort.
This is crazy to me! My fiance is 9 years older than me and I was 19 when we started dating! No one in my family batted an eye. And my father is five years older than my mother… is this sort of thing actually unusual? Is it a UK thing? I’m so confused!
Where is it that you live? I feel like wider age gaps are more common in rural, or possibly more traditional, areas, but I’ve mostly lived in the US and near big cities, so I’m mostly guessing! Also, FWIW, I think the difference gets less noticeable as both parties age – I do have a friend whose parents are 12 years apart, but since they’re both above sixty, no one bats an eye.
Chris is probably DOUBLE Anwar’s age. Anwar is likely in his early twenties, Chris is somewhere in his fourties. It’s probably a 20-25 year difference, although we’d have to wait for confirmation either in comic or from Tab on numbers.
I think she is clinging to the age gap so as not to appear homophobic or something…and….how old is Chris? He does not look THAT old…
He’s probably around thirty – that’s a good ten years difference. Having said that, my 21yr old sister is dating a 35 year old, and they’re happy and have a healthy relationship.
He has a teenage daughter, remember? He’s more likely to be in his late thirties, early fourties.
I always pictured him around his mid-40’s. He has kids and stuff, after all.
On page 15 Anwar refers to Chris as a man in his fourties.
I actually said “ooo, ouch” to this. It makes me really appreciate that my parents were perfectly fine with me bringing home someone about twenty years older than me.
Hah, yeah, mine were fine with a dude ten years older than me. Not that it lasted long, but still.
Whoops, typo: Mama ‘war is saying “but” twice instead of once.
Think that’s meant to be indignant-rage-stutter.
I remember a while back, some people said Anwar’s mum was the new Steve’s dad…apparently not.
I guess it’s a shock on the spot, but how Anwar’s mother was shown, I’m sure she will understand when she gets to know Chris.
I understand momma War’s concerns, but I got bitched out by my first gf’s homophobic mom and I’m sorry, it’s never okay to make a scene like that in public. You just humiliate your kid and make yourself look like an ass. At least be somewhere private and talk like a rational human being.
People aren’t rational when they’re emotional. Odds are good that when she calms down she’ll wish she HAD done that.
Ouch… Just ouch. If the age gap is as big as it seems I can understand some hesitance, but this started WELL after ‘War was into adulthood and capable of making his own decisions. That also doesn’t excuse exploding like that AT ALL; I mean, I can understand not wanting to pretend it’s ok with you when it really isn’t, but there are much less stare-inducing ways to go about saying it!
And I thought my mom looked at me sideways when she found out my boyfriend is 7 years older than me AND we technically started dating when I was still 16… Dodged the bullet on that angry train, let me tell ya.
But just… Poor ‘War, and poor Chris getting put on the spot like that. They both look completely mortified, and so does ‘War’s sister(?).
There’s been no mention of siblings I believe, but there was mention of an uncle. She may be a slightly older cousin or a rather young aunt.
Anyway, the younger a person, the more of a big deal an age gap is. But Anwar is probably 21-23 I think, so while he’s not a teenager he’s probably still young enough for his mother to be overly protective.
Of course, some parent never move past that…
You have a really good point there. When I was in high school I dated someone 4 years older than me and it was a huge deal. When I pointed out that there is a 10yr difference of age between my parents, and almost twice that between my grandmother and her husband I was verbally slapped and told it was different because they are older.
It really is. My best friends have a difference of 20 years. When she was 16, it would have sounded REALLY dodgy (and probably did). Now that she’s over 30 (and still with him) it’s not really a big deal. The main concern with age differences now is life expectancy and plans, not maturity.
I wonder how she will react when/if Anwar tells her that he has no sex in this relationship. That should make Chris seem a lot more harmless, and less predator-y, shouldn’it?
Doubt it. Homophobia doesn’t follow rational lines of thinking like that. She’ll likely find fault in that as well, and blame Chris for it.
I’m never a fan of scene making, but a surprise is a surprise with a surprise reaction so yea sucks but it happens.
Old as your father is definately an over reaction Chris is somewhere in his 40s and I’d put Anwars Mum closer to 50s just by the mostly grey hair and Anwars age (kinda like my own Mum).
But at the end of the day Anwar isn’t exactly mature and his first relationship was a mess. I think his Mum knows this and is concerned her son has no idea what he’s doing, which is pretty correct. As someone who is literally in the same phase of life as Anwar I think his family should be concerned being 20-something with an age gap relationship isn’t for everyone, especailly people who lack communication skills.
I am hoping once the cool down peroid happens Anwars Mum will like Chris, he is a good man.
Just gonna throw my two cents in here.
Well, she’s not wrong, but like Anwar said, she doesn’t understand. This is clearly a knee-jerk reaction. I mean, any parent would freak out, public place or no, if they discovered their “precious baby” was dating someone older. Even if that “precious baby” happens to be a fully grown adult. In her mind, she’s trying to keep him from entering what could be an unequal relationship. Anwar’s mom doesn’t know the ins and outs of their relationship. She doesn’t think that no, Anwar’s not being taken advantaged of. I just think it’s a little unrealistic to have every parent be absolutely cool with everything at all times. There has to be some conflict, or else we wouldn’t get little moments like these.
I’m going to have to say no, any parent wouldn’t. When I was 18 I dated a man 12 years my senior. He was a good man and my mother was mostly unbothered by it. She treated him respectfully from day one and ended up growing to really like him. She never once freaked out or yelled, in public or in private. She never even moved to change my mind because she knew I was an adult and as long as he was not mistreating me it was none of her business.
Okay, I kinda made a sweeping generalization there, sorry. I guess most parents would?? Idk, I suppose it depends on the person involved. Anyway, I’m glad that worked out for you. If I even thought of being in a relationship with someone even six years my senior, I know my mother would have a meltdown.
Even most parents wouldn’t, I think… Maybe she’s a bit over-protective of him? I truly don’t understand how some parents freak out about age gaps… Of all of my friends and family, the smallest age gap in a marriage I know of is four years (and they met in HIGH SCHOOL so think about THAT). My fiance is nine years older than me. I was three years older than my first boyfriend, and my second was a good eight years older than me, and that trend has continued, with the highest gap for anything resembling a serious relationship being about 20 years. The 20 year one was the only one my parents ever even batted an eye at, and that was because I had JUST turned 18. In that situation, I can’t blame them for giving the fellow the stink eye, but it was nothing like this huge public freak out.
That’s the thing with shocks, they tend to overwhelm you. Iit was definitely not what she expected of this evening!
Obviously she got over some tough nuts before, and she is quite intelligent. If she starts thinking, she will remember how happy Anwar has been for some time.
The whole thing could have been avoided if Anwar would have dropped a hint before, but that’s shy people for you – always hiding till the last moment and thus making everything worse.
Fantastic drawing as usual, Tab, especially in the last panel, and very good insight – we wouldn’t feel involved so much if your characters weren’t so very human!
Was I the only person who thought of the xkcd “standard creepiness rule” for dating? :-P
Hahaha, oh man, I forgot about that. x/2 + 7 as a bottom limit means that Chris is definitely in the creepy range for Anwar.
I understand Mama War’s sentiments though. Sometimes I go out to dine and catch up with my ex’s father and my ex’s father is 28 years older than I am. I’m Southeast Asian, he’s Caucasian. I feel awfully self-conscious when being with him in public, because I imagine that people observing us probably think that I’m some poor and desperate mail-order bride he ordered on the internet to make his subservient love slave.
If Shades of A were actually anything like 50 Shades of Grey, Anwar would totally be in a sketchy and questionable relationship with an older man.
Did not know there was a scale. *writes down for future reference*
For reference: http://xkcd.com/314/
Momwar is looking for reasons to hate Chris. She’s being homophobic and is poorly concealing it the age gap.
Imagine if Anwar were dating an older woman. Can you imagine her flipping out like this?
To be fair, it IS a pretty big age gap. Sorry Anwar, your mom’s not wrong.
It should have gone on in private though.
In the shades of a character bios in the book it says Chris is 37 & Anwar is 23.
Yikes.. I’m not sure how I expected her to react but not like this.
I’m still drawing a blank. o_o That’s only 14 years, Chris is nowhere NEAR old enough to be Anwar’s father. My best friend’s parents are 12 years apart. Please, someone tell me, is this considered weird in a widespread manner and why???
daw i just noticed Chris is wearing the tie Anwar gave him.
De lurking, been a fan of your comic, and this hits pretty close to home. I am currently having a relationship with a man twenty years older than me, and my mother, who has been pretty homophobic, totally freaked out and we would go into arguments that he could only be my friend, or maybe a substitute father, but never a partner or lover. It is very heart breaking, but honestly I am tired of being alone. I will always love my mother, I guess in a way, my relationship is like Jamie and his mother, though not as bad. I guess I would be always as awkward as Anwar, trying to figure out my place in the world, and just wishing I can somehow find a compromise and try to fit in this world. Thank you for your comics.
Another two cents I add, even though he is just a fictional character, I hope he doesn’t do the same thing as Jamie did with his mother and totally break off his relationship with her just for the sake of “love” (what is love anyways?) my close friend himself didn’t want to be the reason to break up my relationship with my mother, even though I myself was tempted. My life is really a mess, but if anything I could always rely on my mother, him, and other people for support.
Possibly a totally wrong-headed interpretation, but I totally assumed that ‘War’s mom’s blow up was some kind of mental picture rather than the actual reality–you know, Anwar imagining the worst scenario?
I don’t know … it’s so similar to the other panels, where reality happens. No thought bubbles or so.
Can I just mention that this is a shock to Anwar’s mum mostly because he hasn’t told her anything? I mean, “Waaah, my mum doesn’t understand me because I haven’t even tried to tell her, waaah?” C’mon, kid. You earn every one of these friend and family blowups.
It’s an interesting personality type to see in media. I don’t see people like me very often. (terrible at communication in the same way that is)
Did Anwar really earn a homophobic mother? You’re blaming him for his mother’s reaction.
Granted, if he wants a relationship with his family, then he has a responsibility to keep them informed about his personal life. If not, then he’s free to stay in the closet.
This oddly reminds me of my own arch-conservative dad. I love him (even though he’s a pain in the ass) because, for one thing, while he may make comments and I’ve had a few screaming matches with him in the car (we both yell to interrupt each other interrupting), he always knows where to back off when it comes to actual actions. He may comment on how he doesn’t like my outfit, but he won’t threaten to throw me out of the house for it, especially now that I’m an adult. When my sister and I went to vote on gay marriage, he knew we were voting the opposite of him, but he didn’t say a word about it. Not in like a frosty asshole-ish way, but because he knew we knew where he stood and it was our right to vote the way we wanted to. He knows that he can’t control us as adults and, if he tries to, he’ll only lose us, so he knows when to back off.
That being said, despite how good he is with these kinds of boundaries, even with my sister and I’s sex lives being vaguely known to him as existing, even with all the other stuff, if I came home with a tattoo across my face? I might be kicked out.
Sometimes I think parents just can’t quite let go of some generational, cultural things. And sometimes it’s the seemingly minor ones.
Wow, she does realize she’s in public, yeah? People are drinking, trying to have a good time, but damn! She’s really bringing the mood down.
The food eating part is indeed important, Momwar, so look at it this way: since he’s a full grown man, he won’t empty your kitchen like a plague of locusts/growing man around twenty would! :D