Shades After page 108
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That’s not easy. This is why I chose to never have children. It’s so I never have to make really difficult decisions like this.
And now the horrible feeling sinks in that this isn’t going to have a happy ending. -bites into some bittersweet chocolate-
This is sad, but I figured that’s what Chris would say. And he loves his kids, it makes a lot of sense for him to stay. And I think Anwar knew he would feel that way, but it needed to be brought up once to put it out there.
is the … am an idiot coming off of something earlier???
There’s an I… in the white space above
I hadn’t seen it either. I don’t think that’s a very good place for it : /
Or maybe add a bit more to it, like “Dear universe, I…” so it’s more likely to grab attention.
I actually only saw the I… and was waiting for the next page to see the rest
Why must good things always come to an end?
Sheesh, same thing happened just recently to my brother. He moved to Hawaii for work and wanted his love to come too. Kids from a previous marriage were involved, custody battles went to court, verdict was the kids couldn’t follow, and my idiot brother was like “It’ll be fine, we can see them for holidays and summer, Hawaii is fun, they’ll love visiting.” Nope. “Visit for holidays” and “see them grow up” are huge differences to a parent. Not even a year later, “the kids issue” tore them apart.
Is this really just about the kids? I for sure wouldn’t quit my job, leave my friends and what’s left of my family, leave the whole safety of my life until now (even if there are huge conflicts around), to move to a different town for an instable relationship. They barely know each other. They’re getting better at communication and understanding, but there’s still so much to find out about each other, so many possible tripping holes in each other’s histories and personalities. Living together in a foreign town without a job, own friends, safe places, could make everything just worse.
While the kids and the friends are one thing, Chris has mentioned hating his job quite often throughout the series, in large part due to homophobia (for example, he couldn’t even wear a colorful tie to work because hi boss said he’d be perceived as gay.) While I don’t know enough about the area to say for certain, I know where I’m from, a move from an area an hour or two away to here would mean going from the sort of work environment Chris has to one where discrimination like that wasn’t tolerated. That reason alone would be a good reason for many to make such a move, relationship aside.
I thought he basically never gets to see the kids anyway, so does it really make all that much difference whether he lives in the same city as them or not?
It clearly makes a big difference to Chris. He might not get to see them as much as he wants to at the moment, but that could change as the divorce gets further away and all the hurt and upset between him and his ex becomes less raw.
At the moment, though, things are still clearly very tense, and him moving away at this point could drive an even bigger wedge between Chris and his family. Remember, Chris’ eldest (Hazel?) thinks of him as a horrible cheater already – his moving away could very well translate in her head to “He didn’t even care enough about us to stay in the same city, instead he went off with his boyfriend the first chance he got.” Which wouldn’t be a fair interpretation, but she’s very young and very hurt, and it’s the kind of interpretation she might well come to and then be unable to shake.
Hi! Kid of divorced parents here. Even if you don’t see your parent often, it can put more strain on your relationship if you move farther away. My father often moved around without telling us, and would sometimes move so far away I wouldn’t have been able to see him on court designated weekends even if I wanted to. He was unavailable whenever I needed him, and that continued to drive a wedge into our relationship until it basically disintegrated.
It might not seem like a big deal, but he already has trouble communicating with Pearl – who is still harboring resentment and negative feelings towards him – and while I can imagine she might temporarily be sated by the possibility of a trip to London whenever she could see her dad, I don’t think it’d be easy on her or her younger sister. Not to mention, I feel like this would only add to the troubles between Chris and his ex wife. She may not let the children see him often, but there are times when she needs him to be there as a parent, whether she wants him to or not. It would be unpleasant for everyone involved. His family is under a lot of strain as it is, and moving further away would only make things worse during such a delicate time.
I’m sorry to hear he did that, that sounds awful.
And I really am surprised at the number of people forgetting how important kids (should be) to parents. Even if they don’t live with him, being in their lives is so important to Chris.
While those times may be few and far between, it’s apparent that Chris treasures them, just as he treasures him children. Doing anything that would decrease those visits or give his ex an excuse to cut visits altogether (for example: “Oh, but she has soccer practice here so she can’t visit this weekend”) would be out of the question. One of my partners has a kid from his previous marriage and even with us living fifteen minutes from her, she is constantly coming up with excuses as to why his daughter can’t come for a weekend. If we lived a couple hours away, I am certain those reason would multiply.
As a geographically ignorant American, my knee jerk reaction to Anwar’s move was a shrug. England is what, the size of an average to smallish state? They’d only be a few hours away, nothing undoable.
I think this came up before when Anwar was talking with his uncle.
Anwar is currently in Birmingham, the job is in London, about 130 miles. By train it would take about a 1-2 hours, and could cost anywhere from £28-168, for a return ticket, depending on if you have railcards, if you set the time of your return, if you’re travelling off-peak times, and so on.
Buses are way cheaper, starting off from around £5 if you’re lucky, but can take up to 3+ hours, aren’t always a guaranteed thing. Depends on what bus company you get, what’s available, if you can get discounts, so on.
And there’s car of course, but that’s expensive for it’s own reasons.
It’s not undoable, but we tend to think of anything that takes that amount of time and money as being a pretty hefty commute, and most companies think of it like that as well, so aren’t likely to be that understanding if your struggling with the commute.
Although, I guess if Anwar moves closer to London, so it’s not a commute, but rather just the distance in a LDR, then maybe?
I have to take a 5 hour train to visit my family, and then another 6 hour drive if I’m visiting the grandparents, so long distances to see loved ones isn’t strange to me, and anything within 3 hours is a doable day trip in my mind. But for frequent visits or for a relationship, I’m not sure, having no experience with that.
I travel anywhere from a hour to a hour and 45 minutes via train to visit my partner and can do it on a weekly basisx. But that’s cause a) I’m staying. In the same city just going all the way to the other side of Toronto and B) student pass Aso $40 has me set for a month.
I have done the long distance thing, twice. It sucks, but if both sides are committed to it and willing to work for it and keep in contact, it is very possible. For me, the first one was another province($400-$500 round trip flight or 2 day drive one way) and we stayed for at least a week when we visited. We only saw each other every other month or so but we talked every night on the phone.
The other one was another town, 2 hour drive one way, and didn’t last any significant amount of time. We saw each other every other week, but he was not willing to talk on the phone or online more then twice a week.
I’m currently in a long distance relationship. He’s about 5 hours away by driving and 6 by bus. We see each other for a few days twice a month. It’s hard, but for us we know it’s not permanent and that makes all the difference. And we talk as much as we can on the phone. It depends on the personalities and needs of the people involved to be sure, but I just don’t see 1-3 ish hours as that big of a deal. It seems like they’d be able to see each other most weekends at the least.
I understand Chris’s reasoning for not being able to move though.
Wow, that’s a huge cultural difference I never thought about. (I’m American.) My wife drives two hours to work and two hours back *every day* and while it’s expensive and sucks quite a bit, it’s not all that big of a deal.
Ugh, that’s really rough. Anwar means well (the whole “run away with me” romance trope ahhh), I can tell, but he’s not in the same developmental period as Chris. They clearly care for each other IMO, but their present needs clash. Chris needs to be here for his children in whatever way he can, and he needs support from like minded friends. His job is shitty, his ex wife is not really someone he can call a friend, and it’s hard when you’re trying to get by and do what you can for your family, even if it means working a terrible job and giving up much of your own comfort to make sure you can pay child support and see your children and just be available should anything come up. I imagine he’d really want to live somewhere better, find a better job and start fresh, but yeah…Stars. Can’t do it. Not today.
‘War’s situation is different, too. He’s been having a hard time – first with school, then with work and friends. He has dreams of his own on top of adjusting to a new relationship and still learning things about his boyfriend’s needs and feelings. I don’t think he wants to end the relationship at all, like some people have guessed, but rather he’s in a very tough spot. What DO you do in this situation? Some people can live with LDRs – I can count myself among them. I never see my partner, she’s too far for me to visit frequently. It’s hard, but we still talk and find ways to be supportive of each other and have made it work for almost two years now. But this is a shorter distance, and it might be too chaotic for both of them to handle while they’re in such a turbulent time.
Ideally I’d love to see them make it work, because despite their issues, I think their relationship can grow. Distance can be really, really good for a lot of people. I like them together, I love them both in spite of their shortcomings, they just both seem like really sweet people and it’d be sad to see it end. 8(
“Distance can be really, really good for a lot of people.”
You know, I’ve never thought of it like that before. (Which is weird, I probably should have.) And I agree with basically everything you said here. I’d love to see them make LDR work. And I think it was something Anwar had to ask, y’know? Otherwise it would be that door left unopened or something.
Like I honestly think he meant no ill by it, he sees Chris in a rough state (emotionally) and he does care for him, and were I in his shoes, I’d make the offer too. Maybe not at this exact time because it’s a bit of an awkward place and all, but the sentiment remains.
Some people can’t handle distance, it clashes with their needs too much, but for others it can be a chance to grow and be a better partner. And idk I hope it’s something that’ll happen with Anwar and Chris, a way they can continue their relationship without compromising vital parts of their lives (Anwar’s career and future, Chris’s newfound support in his kink friends, time with his children etc).
If “London’s not that far” then Chris and Anwar could visit each other, rather than Chris having to move and make the kids travel.
Also for some reason today I typed “Christ” instead of Chris every time.
Where does this story take place anyway?
Feel free to be specific! I know very little about brittish geography but I have an internet full of maps.