Shades After page 95
I don’t know about you, but I can feel for both sides of the argument here. The ideal is that everyone is super happy with everything, but it doesn’t always work out that way.
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Anwar’s reacting better’n I expected.
TRiG.
And Chris is, sadly, being kind of a douche.
Do you really think it’s douchey to be upset that someone you’re dating was patronizing you, talking down to you and acting like they know better than you about what you should be doing with your own body? Yes, this all could have been handled better from both sides, but that’s just it: both sides could have done better. Anwar recognizes that he was wrong and is even apologizing for it while Chris is making very clear exactly why what he said was so hurtful. No one is perfect and most people have trouble separating their emotional reactions to give the perfect, logical response.
Anwar wasn’t trying to be patronizing. It’s understandable for someone to be concerned about someone they care about experiencing physical harm, regardless of why or how. He is trying to understand.
Yes, Chris is being snippy and douchey because he’s unable to recognize that someone is trying to care for him. That’s how you alienate people and get broken up with.
Ouch, kind of a personal, unneeded and inaccurate dig to Chris in general there o.o Yeah, he’s acting snippy here but that doesn’t mean he’s completely unable to recognize when someone’s trying to help him. Much like Anwar, his emotions are being affected here and can cause a dramatic flare, but at least their talking it out, explaining and understanding WHY they’re having these specific emotional responses.
But in direct response to the “can’t recognize when someone is trying to care for him” comment, well, of course Anwar is only trying to care for him, but that did come from a place of not trusting Chris enough to know his own limits and Chris he felt very patronized. That was clearly not the intention of Anwar, but unfortunately your intention doesn’t always match your actual impact. “The road is paved with good intentions,” my friend.
To be honest, I personally believe that his snippiness is coming from that place of acknowledging once again that, yes, this isn’t normal, and kind of being upset with Anwar and at himself for this being a “problem” in the first place.
Plus, it feels shitty in general when you’re not understood, especially by loved ones, even with the best intentions. I have many a time gotten snippy with my friends concerned with my asexuality because even though they were obviously coming from a place of caring, they weren’t bothering to understand :/
How was my comment unneeded? I feel really annoyed when it comes to people who repeatedly fail to understand when someone cares for them. Yes Anwar is probably not trusting Chris entirely with respect to his limits, but to him, massive welts look like actual serious, painful injuries that have been inflicted by someone Anwar only very marginally knows. He mistrusts the domme way more.
Chris is basically being pretty patronizing himself. *sigh* If this wete an IRL relationship, I think it wouldn’t be able to work.
When you have two people with as much trauma as they have together, people learn to make it work.
And when people have this much trauma, often unhealthy patronizing, and hurtful discussions can sometimes happen when people step on each others trauma.
This is what happens when all the truths start to come out in a relationship like this, and they certinally can survive if both parties are dedicated to it.
This ^
Tried to say it a few pages back but I can’t really say it right.
Just to clarify b/c the comments are weird, I am referring to meteor-echo’s comment when I say ‘This’
And see, I don’t think that the fact that someone cares about another person’s well being is an excuse for behaving as if that person cannot be trusted to make decisions for their own body and well being. Personally, I find it far more hurtful when people make these sort of rash judgments out of “caring” than those who are just judgmental pricks. The pricks are easier to dismiss but when it’s someone who genuinely cares it’s much harder to not feel like they should also understand and trust me more.
All that having been said, I’ve seen people coming from far more different points with worse hiccups than this come out even stronger in the end. You’d be surprised how these sort of fights can actually be good for a relationship because they highlight exactly what both parties need to work on in order to make a relationship work, unlike a couple that hardly ever fights and so when they do, don’t have the skills needed to navigate the fight.
I think its douchey that Chris has been, and still is being, so dismissive and impatient with War. I mean, look at his body language through this whole ordeal. He’s literally waved away Anwar’s feelings and concerns, he’s barely even looked at War through the whole thing, and he’s acting like it’s such a big hassle that he needs to talk openly about such an important part of their relationship.
YES. You put whatever bugged me into words :D
Happy to help!
And see, while I don’t think it’s the “right” way to handle this sort of situation, I can certainly understand where he’s coming from. Whether intentional or not, War is saying he doesn’t trust Chris to know his own limits and take care of himself. For someone who has been abused and knows where that line is to be accused of such is most likely going to leave them a little closed off and defensive.
As has been commented on earlier a couple times, these marks are not only on Chris’s back but also are likely going to look far worse than they actually are, so aside from being used to them, Chris has reason to genuinely think they are nothing despite looking like something.
There isn’t much that’s harder than seeing someone you care about hurt, even if they know what they’re doing, even if they want it. You can be 200 percent cool with the kinky part, but it’s still going to be difficult to see your significant other with welts.
Ugh, THIS. Aftercare is a really important part of rough sex, and Anwar/Chris don’t do that together. Maybe they should…
Now kiss!
^^ Second this
Damn it ‘war…tell him how much you care and make him a hot beverage for goodness sake! You have to trust that Chris knows his limits, but you can also still be there for him.
This is an excellent page. I like how they’re talking in this page. I definitely see where both of them are coming from, too. I am glad Anwar is offering an apology already, rather than needing more time to think :) that’s a good sign. Well done, Tab!
The only acceptable response to back bruises is kisses, hours and hours of kisses.
Gotta love Chris’s luscious locks
I love this level of honest communication they are having. I think that the fact that they are willing to be this honest with one another proves that they both are invested. Where of course Chris is snippy. He’s hurt that Anwar doubts him and doesn’t trust him to be able to take care of himself. He doesn’t want Anwar to think he’s not normal. And bless his heart, Anwar just doesn’t want Chris to get hurt. I think that this conversation was not handled in the best way, but they’re both coming from the right places. They both just want to be loved by the other and to be happy together. Also, I love the last panel. Chris’ hair is gorgeous and Anwar’s apology is adorably Anwar. I honestly saw this conversation going a lot worse than this.
Thank you for this webcomic.
I have been in the closet until now, hiding with much guilty pleasures that even I thought of myself as disgusting but could not stop. I treated myself like I was as bad as people hooked on Crack.
I was also ashamed of my “sinful” attraction to women. To the point that I tried foolishly to commit suicide 5 times in my life.
I just came from a conservative family who instilled a certain thinking in my brain.
I still am in the closet.
I’m just so happy that this comic, not just Shades, but every single one made me more open-minded and made me realized what a hypocrite I was.
Things I thought were weird and vulgar, we’re from not UNDERSTANDING or seeing it from their perspective. Trans people, cross dressers.. I just couldn’t fathom the idea of the need to change physically for the heck of it.
But, I now face palm at my old self and wish to slap some sense into her too.
I get Anwar’s asexual feelings, I relate to it because I became like that for a while after a traumatizing event
I still respect his choice to stay that way, I wouldn’t mind that choice either, and I think it’s what’s best for him and thank god his mother still sided with him eventually.
This comic is really helping me..,
Little by little, maybe someday, I can proudly be myself in family reunions with a girlfriend in my arm and be accepted.
It was hard for me and took me years to accept, I won’t expect my family to jump at the idea happily.
Thank you. This comic just changed my life.
I’m glad you found it :) you’re definitely not alone in your experiences here.
I can’t wait to see more of Shades…
But, I kinda miss Tom and Alex Story too
Heck! I wanna see every pair with kids (if they wanted) and in their wedding
I also miss the high-school like drama too, like who likes who
I just don’t want the comic to ever end
It’s one of the things I am excited to come home to
Thanks again for the friendly environment I feel here