Shades Of A 077
Back from expo, thank you all the wonderful people who stopped by and said hello! I now have a week of posting kickstarter rewards waiting for me : D
We now enter yet another short flashback, detailing the fucking awkward which was Anwar and JD.
The My Midget Horse poster is a beautiful drawing by my boyfriend.
This speaks to me on every level possible…. perhaps I am asexual…
I’ve labelled myself gay for a long time but reading this, I’ve actually started questioning that. For me sex is like… validation of the relationship. It’s something you should do. I don’t actually enjoy it for myself, only inasmuch as it brings happiness to the other person.
I’d much rather play a boardgame personally. I thought maybe I hadn’t found my ‘type’ but now I’m not so sure.
Tab will do that to you. His characters are so real they reach into the deepest parts of ourselves and makes us question things. When he was doing Jamie’s Story in Khaos it brought a lot of things up and made me face them. The side stories with Tom and Alex also made me discover that I am delightfully pansexual and EXTREMELY attracted to trans* people. Which worked out well since both I and my girlfriend are transgender.
Same here, I thought I was done switching labels at this point of my life, but it made me reevaluate my attractions anyway and I had to do a slight readjustment from bi to pan ^.^;;
My ex was rather like Anwar. It always seemed that whenever we had sex, it was very dispassionate on her end. Everything else between us was very cuddly and huggy but sex was kind of like “oh, well, if you have to”.
I got to meet Tab at the Expo, which was really awesome! ^_^
Jealous!!!!
Next year I swear.
I can totally relate to this moment. When i am having sex with someone, I am often far more concerned about their pleasure than my own. This is especially true when i am having sex with someone who I feel affection for but am not particularly hot for (often in a cruising/ group sex context), but it is frequently true even when I am turned on.
I really appreciate narrative moments when similar human experiences resonate across identity categories even as they appear necessarily tied to them.
So thanks tab!
I relate to this 100%. And it just gets worse when your partner has expectations of how good they are and how much you’ll enjoy it, and you just don’t feel much of anything towards the experience. It sucks that you can know you don’t like sex, but you’ll try to enjoy it and get into it because your partner likes it and wants sexy times.
Well it wouldn’t have to be so suckish if the other person would understand it’s not a comment on how good they are in bed. Is it really that hard to believe there are people out there that just aren’t that into sex?
My current bf is really good that way. He simply wants to know I had fun, he doesn’t expect (anymore at least) that I had as much fun as him.
I think, deep down, he DOES think it’s a comment on him somehow though… I worry about that. I’m not sure how to reassure him. If I tell him it’s just me I’ll be repeating myself…
For some people, yes, it is very hard for them to believe that some people don’t want or enjoy sex. I’ve had exes and friends who, when I say I don’t enjoy sex, tell me I haven’t been with the right person, I just need an orgasm, ask what is wrong with me, and a plethora of similar reactions. And it’s worse when it’s a partner or a potential partner who doesn’t believe you can’t like sex because to them it’s the greatest thing ever and/or the only way to prove your love to them.
Oh, one other thing while I think of it – any chance of “My Midget Horse” T shirts being added to the store? =D
JD nipple. That’s all I have to say. I can’t look away. JD nipple.
Oh dear GOD is Anwar sexy in the 3rd panel <3
And I STILL have a huuuge crush on JD <3 Mmmmm~
I can relate to this, I was a lot like Anwar with my ex, who was way more sexual than I. I just wanted cuddles and when it came for sexy times, I had very little interest in receiving. My relationship now is completely different though, which led to the discovery that I’m demisexual. I was secretly in love with my girlfriend for 3 years without her knowing about it, and when we eventually started dating, suddenly I had a libido! Turns out I just needed that intense emotional attachment first, who knew?
Yeah, I can definitely relate to that. I’m intellectually interested in the mechanics of giving people sexual pleasure and I am emotionally satisfied (like one would be solving a tricky math problem) by getting someone off and lately because of being trans* there are parts of my body where I can actually receive things that are emotionally satisfying for resolving gender dysphoria, but no matter how much I can “ape sexuality” at the end of the day, I can’t give my partners genuine chemistry and passion.
It was definitely a source of stress between me and my primary before we realized that poly was a thing we could be and it still crops up here and there as a source of tension.
I have a question for you ((and any/everyone else)) that has nothing whatsoever to do with this comic. I’ve seen the word “trans” with the *asterisk beside it many times online, but not ALWAYS. I was just wondering if there’s a specific reason for this, or is it just a personal preference? I hope that’s not a rude question, I honestly don’t mean it to be. I’m just uneducated on preferred words and phrases. Thanks for the time, and any answers I get. ^.^
Hey,
The asterix in trans* denotes that it covers non-binary genders. “Trans” technically refers to trans man and trans women, so the asterix is used to expand the definition to include genderqueer, genderfluid, and anyone else who is not cis. Hope this was helpful, and anyone else please correct me if I’m wrong!
Trans* and Trans will honestly vary from person to person. The problem is that there are no words in the English language to fully describe the nature of one person, just like how ‘gay’ didn’t for a long time or ‘bisexual’ didn’t for a long time so they created words like pansexual, demisexual, asexual etc. Trans* is just a sign of respect for the entire gender spectrum outside of male and female, and even explaining this some people get really offended when you call it a ‘spectrum’ or anything like that. I prefer to say spectrum because I am a visual thinker and in my brain it’s a line that is all rainbow and wonderful :D
Is it bad that the only thing I focused on in this page is the pejorative word in the poster?
I mean, the slight mess ups in Khaos Khomix I could forgive, but the blatant and intentional use of a pejorative word? If more words like that are going to be featured, I’m going to have to stop reading, which is a shame because I love Tab’s work. Being seeing one of my trigger words only make it worse, the fact that it’s a pejorative word is bad enough all on it’s own.
I’m actually genuinely disappointed.
Personally I wasn’t aware that word was offensive. Maybe if Tab wants to consider changing it, he could do something like “My Miniature Horse” instead? Still has alliteration, still a jest towards My Little Pony.
You have every right to be offended by this. But with that said, keep in mind that in certain circles certain words mean very different things. For example, I recall on one page Amber called Charlie a ‘cunt’. In America this is an incredibly offensive swearword, but in England it’s fairly minor because the connotations are different – so half the readers were utterly horrified while the others gazed on with mild bemusement.
I don’t think this could be described as ‘blatant and intentional’ so much as possibly something Tab hasn’t encountered much – especially since his focus tends to be in LGBTQ rather than other areas. Call him out on it, definitely, but i don’t think it’s fair to say he intentionally used a slur.
Please try to understand, any use of a trigger word around someone who is triggered by it, is blatant and intentional to them.
Logically I understand that Tab’s interests lie more in LGBTQA* but that word is an insult in every country, in every country it’s derogatory. More to the point ‘simply not knowing’ is used as a reason to excuse things all too often.
I do remember words that were used in Khaos, including the C-word. And as a British person, to me, gendered insults are just as severe as derogatory slurs. It’s not at all minor in England as you’re implying I’m afraid, at least not in my experience.
Honestly I’m just disappointed that I came to read the update on one of my favorite comics and got triggered by a word – not the NSFW content, not ‘profanities’, but a pejorative word that’s been slung around for 200 years and really shouldn’t be included in any respectable media.
I’m not going to get into a debate about it because that probably wouldn’t be helpful to you – I won’t reply after this one, but I feel like I should clear some things up.
o I understand that trigger words are a bit like a gun trigger, and that leads to sharp, knee-jerk reactions. So telling you to be rational and think about what you’re saying is not as easy as snapping your fingers like some people make it out to be.
o Definitely, I don’t think that it’s okay that Tab can use slurs whenever ‘because he didn’t know’. The above term is an offensive word, so he should change it.
o However, it may be obvious to you in your circles, but different places different words – so people often use offensive words without knowing others will be offended (I too come from Britain, and where I come from, there are much worse swears than the c-word). This does not mean that these words are automatically acceptable, but it does mean that occasionally people will make genuine mistakes.
o Furthermore, I think you misunderstood something which is admittedly myself being pedantic. ‘Intentional’ means that the person meant hurt, or that they knew it was a bad word and used it anyway. It isn’t fair to Tab to accuse him of intentional offensiveness, because in the past when this has happened it has been because he genuinely didn’t know. When he is told, he apologises and corrects it, then endeavors to avoid it in future. I believe that will be the case here too.
o While I understand that you are hurt and reacting as such, doing this will often escalate the situation rather than alleviate it – I speak from experience here. Please understand I am talking about this not in terms of justice and what should be, but in terms of what is and what will generally bring about the best for everyone (yourself included). I’d also like to clarify, this doesn’t mean not responding to the situation. What it means instead is that it is usually more productive to try and steer away from accusatory/authoritative terms (which nearly always incite rebelliousness), and instead try to express it in the terms of how it makes you feel. That way, you remove the other person’s grasp on a ‘falsely accused hoiler than thou’ stance, and they are often more sympathetic. Compare: ‘That word is really offensive, how dare you use it’ to ‘That word really hurts me, please don’t use it’. In both cases the same point is made and you aren’t being asked to hide your feelings. However, the former accuses the person of being bad, while the latter appeals to them to be good – which is usually more successful.
o Finally, the above does not apply if the person actually did say it to mean offence, or already knew that it was offensive. In that case, let ’em have it. To some degree we are on the same side here – we do both agree that slurs should not be used, and that instances where they are used should be tackled. And it’s understandable that you’d be upset to find yourself triggered when you were expecting a safe space… My big gripe was almost solely to do with the use of the word ‘intentional’, and I appreciate that it was very nitpicky of me to pick up on that. Whether or not we agree on the how, hopefully we can meet on the common ground of ‘let’s not use slurs and let’s tell other people not to use slurs’, right?
If you don’t reply after this then that’s fair enough, but I wanted to respond anyway.
-I’m glad you understand that triggers are things that prompt kneejerk reactions. I’ve seen a great deal or varied responses to triggers and believe me, displaying anger over a trigger word is pretty light in comparison.
-Yes I agree the word should be changed, but I doubt anyone will take this as seriously as I do, so I’m not exactly holding my breath.
-By “My circles” I wonder to what circles exactly you are referring to. The circles that consist of little people? It may surprise you to know that I do not exist in ‘circles’ of little people, and I learned how bad that word is in two simple ways: 1) Common sense 2) It being used as a its meant to be used – as a slur – at me every day for this first 16 years of my life, at least what of those years I can remember.
-I do not understand how someone can make an innocent mistake around a word that is very clearly used to make a joke at the expense of little people. The word itself is very clear in its meaning and intent, so if not ignorance, the only reason someone might use it to me, is that they think it’s funny, and either so funny it’s not harmful, or they don’t care that it’s harmful. Either way, I’ll never approve of its use.
-I’m not sure I fully appreciate the vague, borderline ableist attitude that I should approach things like this where something is triggering, harmful and encourages dehumanising attitudes and behaviour, with the utmost respect and decency like I wasn’t harmed. If someone punches you in the face, do you stop to say “Hey that wasn’t very nice could you maybe not do that please?” or do you defend yourself? Same principle.
– Yes when one isn’t triggered one can probably go out of their way to be polite and ask calmly for the situation to change. But since I was triggered, I could not, ergo, don’t expect someone who was triggered and harmed to decorate their refrains with daisies and buttercups, it’s not going to happen, and the implication that I should have reigning in my emotions – something I am incapable of doing when I am triggered – is very ableist to me.
-By half of what you said I wonder if you have triggers of your own or understand the feelings that occur when you’re triggered. I know friends who are triggered when they are misgendered – either accidentally or on purpose. Being misgendered takes them back to when they were bullied and misgendered intentionally to make them feel less than human, and any reaction they let out is purely natural, instinctive and self-defensive. My reaction was the same.
-Someone does not need to mean for something to be offensive or harmful or triggering for it to be so. If anyone s
uses that word around me (as in, within physical proximity) I have to restrain myself physically from lashing out. So telling me to ‘control my emotions’ effectively? Not really going to work with a trigger of any type with anyone unless they have dedicated serious time to their own trigger-management.
-I don’t much care for the nitpicking at my terminology. Is the word harmful, yes? Was it used because it was funny? Yes considering it was actively pointed out. Is the meaning of that word clear and concise and very much common knowledge when it comes to little people? Yes. It’s use was intentional.
-The point of me posting at all was to let people know the use of that word was not okay to me, as a long time reader of Tab’s comics. That I was disappointed and wanted it removed.
(I’d also like to add that ‘other circles’ may well be a majority of circles – I come from a more sheltered upbringing, this is true – and I’m not defending casual use of the word. I view it as I would a child asking a rude question – it’s not okay, but they don’t know better until they’re told.)
(Put the big comment further below. Whoopsie daisy. See my reply to Fawkes.)
Ok. This is my ignorance showing, a lot, but I think my definition of “trigger” (my education is primarily in the American psychological field) and the definitions I’ve seen on the Internet vary greatly.
What’s the difference between a word that is triggering and a word that simply upsets you emotionally?
Midget, in these comments is not referred to as a personal trigger, something one person experience due to their very personal reasons, but as an ableist slur.
It is not very respectful to, from a position of being unaware of a slur, to patronize the person who brings up the problem, is it? If you’d never heard the N-word, and someone cautioned you not to use it, would you be in the right to say “Since I didn’t mean it in a derogatory way, and I also didn’t know it was derogatory, maybe you shouldn’t react so strongly”?
Tab has always been sensitive to people’s triggers, which is why he makes disclaimers saying that you’re probably not going to agree with everything that he posts. Personally, I giggled and then thought that some people might take offense to that. But to defend Tab, it was probably a passing thought, just a parody of MLP. Doesn’t make it right, doesn’t make it wrong.
To clarify, by circles, I wasn’t referring to short people – I was referring simply to a region, or a particular area which you frequent. I’d consider New York to be a different circle to California, or London to be a different circle to Yorkshire. I only use the term ‘circles’ because it isn’t just to do with region – it is also impacted by age, economic status, and many other factors. Each of these subsets of people will have a different dialect in which words are commonly used in different ways. I most certainly wasn’t using it to mean that your circles consisted of little people, and I hope I didn’t imply that.
However, I know that for me, this was not common knowledge. Maybe I’m just ignorant? But I was raised understanding the term to mean ‘something very small’, and honestly drew more of a link to those tiny bugs called ‘midges’ than anything else. The humour I found in the statement lay in the parody of ‘My Little Pony’ – much like in Madoka Majika, where every single brand is illustrated with a different but blatantly similar name such as ‘Rocky’ for ‘Pocky’ – and had nothing to do with the specific word, which would have been just as funny if it was ‘minute’ or ‘small’. Now I know the fact that in other circles it holds other meanings, of course I would avoid using it even within my usual company. But it’s a mistake akin to the way Americans call condoms ‘rubbers’ – albeit with rather less hilarious consequences (and to clarify because the internet often doesn’t convey this well, I was using irony as a tool to convey the weight of this particular instance, not because I actually think it’s just a case of more or less funny). I also have seen enough of Tab to believe that, now he has heard this, he would take it seriously.
I disagree with Yes that the word should be used freely, as clearly to several people, it DOES hold these bad meanings. It is very idealistic to assume that words can be treated as quite so meaningless.
I won’t debate the latter points about how the topic should be handled. It is a bit of a sensitive subject to get into heated debate over with a stranger. I would like to say, however, that I don’t speak without experience – I have certain topics which I often respond aggressively to, such as making me snap or bringing me to tears. I am trying to train myself out of those because this is often anti-productive. You are correct that I could not expect someone to behave in this way without dedicating time to trigger management. I can also understand why angry responses happen anyway and my attitude is not one of blame. However, I am also a believer that dedicating time to trigger management will improve your life, encourage others to be more understanding, and – when handled right – does not have to mean denying your emotions and pretending it does not hurt, or lying down and taking whatever people are saying. Once again, I apply this attitude towards people who have made genuine mistakes, and would never say that you should apply this towards someone who has been told better and still insists on using a term anyway. You may believe otherwise, and I cannot state for certain which of us would be right.
What if, and only if, the horse was midget. Midget like an adjective.
Quoting Collins:
1. The horrible meaning
2. something small of its kind
3. (as modifier): a midget car
Because it is a little horse. Like… a pony, maybe?
Let’s dream of a place without words used as slurs.
Like cunt.
Like what if the poster said “my comfy cunt”. I’d totally support that.
Let’s dream of a place where you were right, but unfortunately you’re not.
Quoting wikipedia:
M****t is a term that is widely considered pejorative for a person of unusually short stature, often one with the medical condition dwarfism.
The term came into prominence in the mid-19th century after Harriet Beecher Stowe used it in her novels Sunny Memories of Foreign Lands and Old Town Folks where she described children and an extremely short man, respectively. P. T. Barnum indirectly helped popularize the term when he began featuring General Tom Thumb in his circus. “M****t” became linked to referencing short people put on public display for curiosity and sport.”
In short. This word has always been used to dehumanise and make fun of little people. When there are so many words in the English language, if someone wants to use an adjective to describe something small, there are plenty of other words to use.
Also a tip: when someone says a word is triggering, you probably shouldn’t proceed to use it without any regard for the fact it’s a trigger and at least censor it out.
This blew my mind! I had no idea this word could be a trigger for anyone! It’s something I’ve heard used all the time where I live for inanimate objects. (Southeastern U.S) Now that I know this I will be more cautious of this in the future. I am so thankful for this comic because I learn so much about other people and how to show them respect. Thank you.
Tab here, thanks for the heads up. It was intended to be a word play on My Little Pony so I’ve now changed it to My Half-Pint Horse instead.
I’ve read up some more on pejorative words (wiki had a good article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_disability-related_terms_with_negative_connotations as well as some other sites) to avoid this happening in the future.
Thanks for the change. I assume, you’ll want to update the commentary as well (“The My Half-Pint Horse poster is a beautiful drawing by my boyfriend.”).
I like “My Half-Pint Horse” even more than the original. XD
Seconded. It’s much more catchy. It also hints at drunken ponies. Which is funny. =3
OMGGGGG JD has nice boobs <3
I love these flashback episodes and definitely interested in Anwar history, but I am dying to know what is going on with Anwar and Chris!
wow. i don’t consider myself asexual at all, but i’ve certainly had r’ships in which i felt like anwar here. but… i don’t *mind* or even desexualize my pleasure in my partners’ pleasure; i just consider it a different kind of sexy. in anwar’s place i don’t ask “what next?” i say things like “lovely, let’s have a nice cuddle and some lemonade perhaps?”
then again i’ve also had r’ships in which i was more in jd’s position, but then i’d also say “maybe now let’s have a little break; would you like some lemonade?”
(i consider lemonade de riguer as an aid to well-hydrated sex. don’t snark on my kink, ok? ;)
I’ve lived this comic. That’s exactly what it was like.
Just needed to say that this quote from the previous page, “Okay, so maybe I was upset; I don’t like being reminded what I can’t give other people, even if it’s completely true.” rang so true it was painful.
And then this page happened and I thought about the threesome I was in that helped me figure out I was ace and laughed and laughed and laughed. “So uh, now what?”
WHO KNOWS ANWAR?! WHO THE HELL KNOOOOOWS?!