Shades Of A 073
Yes, new speech bubble technique! >.> Little things that I care about.
This page is all about the hand porn. Oh, also awkward conversations but HANDS.
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frankly i think chris has far the better idea here. i hope anwar can cope.
I hope so too! Although I’m getting the feeling that ‘War isn’t keen on being in an open relationship, otherwise things might’ve worked out with JD… (Plus, if everything gets resolved at this point it’d be a very short story!)
Seeing someone for kink-related reasons doesn’t always mean that you’re in a relationship with them. So, you can have a romantic relationship with one person and be play partners with another, and have not be considered an open relationship. You’d only be doing romancey relationship stuff with one person, and the other would be fulfilling you kink needs.
I don’t know how accurate it is, but I think Queen of Wands had a comic that described a distinction between an “open relationship” and “polyamory,” the former being a solitary romantic relationship with the field open for play partners with the latter being multiple committed, romantic relationships.
Not to be pedantic. I just think it’s an interesting distinction.
And see, in most the communities I run, poly and mono are two ends of one spectrum while open and closed are two ends of a different spectrum. You can be poly and open, poly and closed, mono and open or mono and closed. Not to mention all the in betweens.
sreiches – being pedantic is fine! I’m still learning about all this stuff, so thanks for the comments, folks :)
Ah, that makes quite a bit more sense than the two binaries. Thank you for elucidating us!
There’s *nothing* to resolve in FSoG, and it’s three books long!
You’re right, though. I think you might be on to something where JD and Anwar’s relationship may be concerned.
As Alley says, kink doesn’t have to imply a relationship – and also a relationship with 2 people doesn’t have to imply that either relationship is open (an open relationship being one where the partners are free to date etc whoever else they want). Chris isn’t asking for permission to see whoever he wants, he’s asking for permission to see this specific person. Which isn’t necessarily to say Anwar is comfortable with that either (and judging from his expression, he’s not), but it is a different thing.
I’m not sure we’ve seen either of them react yet. I understood the pained faces in the last panel to be about the difficult things they were trying to say.
Also, awkward conversations in webcomics are always the best :)
Hand porn….mmmm…..
I wonder if Anwar understands that kink doesn’t always equal sex… I hope Anwar will let Chris keep seeing a Domme because it’s prob best option given his current lack of experience and interest in things kink related. Maybe further down the line Anwar can be taught how to give Chris what he needs in that department, but this early in the relationship, allowing him to see someone else and keeping communication open truly seems best option.
Ugh, now to wait til Thursday…
I am pretty much in the dark about asexuality and how it works in a long term relationship, so I’m really curious to hear Anwar’s response. In my mind, unless both people are asexual or can accept an open relationship, I wonder how a relationship can go long term. Of course, I need both sex and monogamy/fidelity in a relationship, so my perspective is colored by that. This comic has been both fun and enlightening and I am totally crushing on Chris!
In my experiences, it can be a huge pitfall, even if the asexual person has accepted that polyamory is more likely to get them a relationship. I’ve seen asexual people try it because they don’t think it’s fair to keep their sexual partner from ever having sex, but then end up jealous/hurt/resentful because their partner’s other partner(s) are giving them something that they cannot.
On the other hand, I’ve seen it work out too. I tend to run in social circles where polyamory or other open relationships are more common than monogamy though, so that might have something to do with it.
I have the opposite experience. I’m asexual & my husband is a heterosexual. I’ve told him more times than I care to count that not only is he allowed to find someone that can meet his needs, but he is actively encouraged. I’ve been in open relationships before & I’m not one to get jealous. He simply can’t bring himself to do it though. The whole idea of being with someone that isn’t me is physically sickening to him.
We compromise. I tell him when I am in a place (mentally) where I could handle having sex, and we do (we used to have him ask when he wanted it, but it would often catch me in a point where I wasn’t comfortable & it would be painful for all involved). He does his best to make it as easy on me as possible, either by being quick, or particularly cuddly afterwards (in his words “cuddles to you [me] are like sex to me [him]”). I think the worst thing for me was when we were trying to conceive our daughter (our son was easy). 5mo of near constant sex wore me down.
Curious, did y’all ever consider artificial insemination for your daughter?
We did think about it, but it was an expense that we simply couldn’t justify. Especially knowing that we were fertile and had no difficulty conceiving previously.
Sounds like you two have a good thing going on O:-)
Personally, it works for me because I identify as asexual not because I actively dislike sex, but instead because I don’t desire it. I will still have intercourse with a partner, and I do enjoy seeing them feel good (it can be a powerful feeling to get that kind of reaction out of people, even if the sex itself isn’t what you go for), I just don’t want them to reciprocate for me and I don’t seek it out.
I’m pretty sure not desiring sex is what asexual is- a lack of sexuality. A person who has sexuality but is uncomfortable with is not (I believe) asexual, but simply has issues of some sort with sex.
Pre-transition, I went through a period of thinking I was asexual, because I was so repulsed by the idea of sexual contact with my body. I still had sexual desires though; I just didn’t understand that those desires involved having a different body.
Close, but not quite. Asexuality is a lack of sexual /attraction/, and doesn’t say anything about whether you want sex or not. Sure there’s probably a higher proportion of asexuals who don’t want it than in the rest of the population, but it is still definitely possible to desire sex (and certainly to enjoy it) while fitting the term “asexual”. It’s just that it’s not necessarily the other person who’s making you horny; you can want sex because your partner enjoys it (like Maggie, above), or because it makes that particular relationship closer (definitely doesn’t apply to every relationship, but is valid for some), or even just because it feels good and still have no problem with identifying as asexual.
I like this definition (although I’m wary of absolute definitions). I identify as asexual, because I have sexual responses to people, but no desire to act on them. So I describe myself as “asexual, but polysensual” instead – because I like everything about sex (affection, intimacy, touch, kissing, passion, giggling…) except the sex itself. But I’ve had people insist I “should” refer to myself as grey-ace, because in their heads, asexual is a term reserved for people with no desire at all. And I don’t buy that, it’s too narrow and exclusive a definition.
I’m asexual, my partner is bisexual, and we’re really sexually compatible. We maybe have sex three or five times a year? Compromise, fetishes, and compatible libidos all come into play with an asexual/sexual relationship.
Ouch, this is very reminiscent of a conversation had during my last sexual/asexual relationship. The mood is spot-on.
I could be wrong, but it almost feels like a huge sigh of relief is the next most logical step for Anwar here. I know not everyone can get behind polyships, but that seems way preferable to getting into a sexual relationship when you’re asexual. Also, I love how Chris says that “I want your permission.” While I can’t see myself seeking permission for anything not involving that person given my view on my own relationships, how he put that is sooooo much better to the demands that I see all too often.
and let’s face it, if chris likes ladies to tie him up, anwar is a good ways out of spec for that.
Sure, we can have seee-
condary partners?
I was thinking he was going to say se–x, since Anwar drunkenly offered sex (kinky sex, even) the night Chris brought him home. He might not be interested/enthusiastic about it, but seems willing to accommodate in a relationship. Maybe? We never did get a clear explanation about why he and JD broke up…
Going by his expression, I think it was “sex” too – he looks so pained. And this is only a couple of days after ‘War’s meltdown over “wishing he was normal so JD would love him”. He’s still probably in a fragile state, and maybe feels “I don’t want to lose this chance of a relationship, so I guess I’ll have to agree to sex.”
Chris is extra-awesome on this page :)
They both look pained. I like that. It seems it pains Chris that he has to request this. Anwar’s feelings are important to him. That’s cute.
I interpreted Father Latour’s message as expressing Anwar’s surprise at how the conversation turned out, also assuming that Anwar was going to say “sex.”
I think that Anwar and J.D. broke up not because of an open relationship, but because of the pressure on Anwar (internal or otherwise) to have sex. Anwar says they never had a healthy relationship; could that be because they didn’t communicate?
Once again, I am waiting on the edge of my sofa for what comes next. More excerpts from the book, please! I want to roll in the horrible.
And hand porn is the greatest. Ooh yeah.
I really, really like this bit of conversation.
If ‘War does turn out to be fine with this (I’d like to see him kinda surprised/relieved in the next page, well see), him meeting Chris’ domme (Felicity?) would make for a very fun scene. Really looking forward to seeing how things go from here.
You have somehow managed to capture the essence of my best friend and I, gender swapped us, and cast us as Chris and Anwar. It has been eerie how much these two reflect the both of us. I flipped my lid at this page and bugged her to look at it until she did, where she promptly flipped her lid as well. Granted, we are not dating each other and this convo is one she had with her boyfriend, but it still echos pretty closely with our relationship. I’ve been more and more excited about this as every page gets released!
Is it me, or is this whole conversation just one of the most romantic and adorable things I’ve ever seen/read? Gosh, I just wanna smush them :-)