Shades After 062
I used to do panels at conventions about crossplaying- featuring safe ways to bind and shave without peeling your skin off. One of the games I would do is ‘who can get into this binder without outside help’. I used to bring an example size small underworks binder- which are great for larger sizes, but with no zips/fastenings it means the small is basically a wormhole leading to a singularity. Some people could get in though and I applaud them to this day.
Bind safely peeps! I appreciate people have to do intense things to feel comfortable and get the effect they want, but chest binding should never hurt and you should take regular breaks.
WHOOOOOOOSH
*Flies into the educational atmosphere*
Binding is the bane of my existence. Seriously, JD in these last two panels, that’s me every time I come home x.x
I used to bind. This page makes me need to take deep breaths.
mmm I’ve been experimenting with different binders lately and so far the greatest effect is from the gc2b one but getting into and out of it on my own is…… problematic.
The first time I put on my binder (small 973 from Underworks) I felt like the world clicked into place. I’ve had people ask me if it’s worth it when I describe how insane it is to get on and the answer is always a resounding “yes.” My dysphoria is more uncomfortable and restricting than any binder.
No No, JD. Don’t pull from the back. Cross arms, grab hold of the sides, then pull straight upward. That always works for me. No pain. It’s harder to get on in the morning. Buuut, I am not JD’s body type, so that may be a contributor to that method working for me and maybe not working for them.
Young Anwar is so cute. Look at his dork face. >,<
OH god yes. Binding is like, so infuriating.
Plus I have asthma, so binding is even harder.
I was at a convention with my ex once and we managed to bind her from a D all the way down to flat-chested.
Although we were just stupid kids so we used plastic wrap and duct tape.
In the end though it never caused her much discomfort. She said it behaved like a corset and she joked that it made her feel armor-plated.
If find personally binding is more than worth it. Then again i’m naturally a ice cube so the heat allows me to wear just a long sleeve shirt and a tee-shirt in canadien weather so it works to my advantage most of the time. Also i can wear tee-shirts with it without 2 jackets on top :P
Im glad Anwar asked if it hurt. Some people wouldnt ask.
Ive been binding with XS/S underworks binders everyday for 4 years, nearly no pain (unless i use their heavy duty full stomach and chest binder on the really bad dysphoria days). Also, I’ve only ever been able to get in/out of them from the bottom, never works over the head. If people are having trouble getting stuff on, try that?
I honestly don’t know what I am and would appreciate some help, here.
I don’t think I ever had any dysphoria about my body and generally, er, “accepted” that I was a girl, as another friend of mine put it. At first I thought that sounded odd and maybe in some cases really offensive (was she implying that trans* people just don’t want to “accept” themselves??) but I think what she meant was that I really don’t… care about my gender identity?
As of now, I’m a cis-girl who sometimes wears a binder and guy clothing, but if I had been born in the body of an opposite sex, then I have a very great suspicion that I’d be a cis-guy that would be a little feminine and like wearing a dress from time to time. I feel like the only reason WHY I identify as a girl is because people pretty much told me that’s what I was, and I’ve always just gone along with it. I like “she/her” pronouns and am on good-terms with my body most of the time (and I use that phrasing because I genuinely feel like that’s what it is. I have to check up on my body a couple of times and go “hmm, okay, you’re cool, I guess.” and carry out on my day).
However, I sometimes really prefer wearing men’s clothing and I have a really hard time explaining why. I’m not sure if I’m cross-dressing or what. I guess i would still prefer she/her pronouns, but I’m not really wearing a binder for fun either, it just sort of makes me feel comfortable.
I’ve heard the term “gender expression” used differently from “gender identity” and I’m thinking that’s what I have, but I’m still having a difficult time really understanding it, and would like some help or some information on it, I guess.
Sorry for posting stuff like this in a comments and I hope I didn’t offend others in any way as that was not my intention. I’m just sort of clueless of everything and I don’t know how to properly articulate what I’m feeling.
None of us can tell you who you are, but, some things you can try with respect to gender:
1) In safe groups of people, you can try playing with a different pronoun and name. Does it make you feel good/comfortable or bad/confused to hear it? This is a good hint. You might not get dysphoria, but might feel affirmation (you mention that binders are comfortable).
2) It might be worth looking into demi-girl or demi-boy blogs. They might be your people, though maybe not.
3) Does your sense of gender change over time, or is it consistent? (Even if your clothing changes)
4) When you prefer men’s clothing, does it feel like cross dressing if you wear women’s clothing? (And vice versa)
I’m sorry I don’t have answers. You don’t have to have body dysphoria to be trans. You don’t have to have social dysphoria to be trans. And, yeah, figuring this stuff out is really hard and you are awesome for putting thought into it!
A random observation that you should totally ignore if you want to because you know you, not me: you do seem to care about your gender identity; it sounds like you’re confused and the confusion is unpleasant and you’d like to fix it. You’re capable of getting by as a girl, and you might be a girl, but, it’d be nice to feel confident that you know what you are?
I’d never heard of social dysphoria before but it sounds awfully familiar. (And makes me feel a little less like I am a knee-jerk reaction to Conservative European parents and an upbringing in the Middle East.)
I’m writing to thank you for suggesting that Faye look up demigirls. I just looked it up, and it was one of the biggest CLICKs I’ve ever experienced in my life. That’s ME. The way I feel has a name, and I’m not the only one in the world who feels/thinks like this. I wish I could hug you.
Hi LikesTheCaulk,
<3
I accept e-hugs. :)
I am VERY glad that I was helpful to someone. Thank you for letting me know!
I was so glad to hear about social dysphoria when I found it was a thing. I too got the secret thrill when people thought I was a boy, but at the time I had the larval idea in my head that boys were if not better, than they at least got to do all the cool/fun stuff. I’ve always been relatively happy with my body, it’s been mostly the social issues that I really have problems with. Now I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want to have to change myself, it’s society that needs to change its parochial and medieval notions of gender. I sometimes like to dress pretty for a special occasion, but most of the time I’m a t-shirt and cargo pants kind of person. And I don’t see why gender has to be defined by what I wear. Clothes are clothes, I dislike overly frilly things, but that is more about preferring a smooth silhouette, it’s aesthetics more than gender.
It’s…..yeah see that argument right there is what is causing me confusion and for want of a better word ‘angst’ right now. ‘But it’s society that needs to change’. It means I haven’t a clue whether this is ‘just’ a reaction to being segregated and absorbing poison. What I *know* is that while I like and respect feminine women I do not want to be treated like one.
I know other trans* people who were put off by feminist movement as to idntifying as who they were. Am I a boy / non-binary? or does society need to change?” The short answer is this. What is the root of how you feel? There is a difference between wanting to be considered a boy socially (pronouns mostly) and just simply being unhappy with typical social idealised versons of gender roles. It is possible to be a bit put off by both reasons.
I guess I’m still trying to figure that out, what the root is. It’s hard for me to untangle, may be I never will. I tried a DIY binder for the first time may be a year ago, alone in my room. And it made me feel pretty good, happy until I started having trouble breathing and took it off. I started consciously cross dressing a few months ago and suddenly found an actual interest in clothes. It felt good going out like that, more confident, more like I looked good instead of awkward. And while I’ve never asked anyone to refer to me like this (it felt silly?) I’ve been calling myself ‘it’ in the third person for years.
Though to be honest most of what puts me off feminist movements is they tend to be so very….Western-focused. I know their work isn’t done in the Western world but I lived places where it’s so much worse and I feel like many feminist movements in Europe and America gloss over or are unsympathetic to suffering abroad.
Sorry to spam I guess I’ve just been thinking about what you said a lot today- I don’t think I have a ‘normal’ view of ‘typical social idealised gender roles’. Because my parents are from two very different cultural backgrounds and I grew up somewhere different again. The kind of place in the Middle East where a man has a legal right to beat his wife. My desire and ability to live my own life without supervision is ‘masculine’ according to two of those cultures, in one unforgivably so. And the truth is that if I was still there for whatever reason I would *want* to seriously transition, to cut my breasts off with kitchen knives and take allegedly-testosterone obtained from god-knows-where. I’d want to even if it then gave me serious body dysmorphia, I’d want to even if I felt completely 100% woman. Because being male is a way to survive there.
And that’s the tangle really I suppose; am I seeing walls where there arn’t any because I’m so used to them being there? Is what I see as my masculinity ‘real’ or is it a response to my background? Is it less real if it is a response to my background? I know you can’t answer that or any of my questions, I’m not sure I can either. And given how mixed every other facet of my identity is….I’m starting to think it just doesn’t matter. I might like T, I don’t know. I *would* like a beard but genetics are thankfully doing a little about that by themselves. I know I’m not dysphoric enough to get T perscribed and I wouldn’t want top surgery (not that there’s much to remove).
Thanks for your reply anyway and sorry for the rambling.
You could also try out neutral pronouns like “they” and see how that fits. There are people who identify as genderfluid who go back and forth on whims. Also: it is totally cool to not have a concrete definition for yourself. A lot of these titles and identities are there just to serve the person and help them out- you don’t need to take on any mantle you don’t want to.
Faye, I had some similar experiences. As a child, everyone told me I was a girl. I didn’t want to be a boy (although I got a little thrill every time someone called me “sonny” by mistake and I hated excessively girly clothes) so I assumed the way I felt about my body was just how it feels to be female. I describe myself as agender and that feels right. It’s difficult to describe!
Yes! Thirding this; Faye you are not alone. I had similar experiences, and ended up settling on trigender. I too had assumed birth_assignment, because it was what others told me I had to be (and because occasionally it felt right), and I could get by as birth_assignment, and I quietly felt best when others guessed my pronouns inconsistently from birth assignment, and tried dressing in ways to look like the “other” gender without understanding why (grew up in a binary environment).
Getting by as my assigned gender got harder and harder as I got older in my specific case (your mileage may vary). It took me nearly 3 decades to figure out what my gender is, and most of that was in denial until it got too bad that I couldn’t deny it anymore. But, I’m very glad to have transitioned; it feels much better when people get it right, and I have a language to talk about it when they get it wrong.
So, yes. Seriously, Kudos on you for working on understanding it before its causing you active suffering, and you are very much not alone.
Scratch the liking of feminine clothing and (most) feminine decorative things and that’s pretty much what I’m like. And I don’t really know ‘what’ I am either. I haven’t experimented with pronouns and the other commentators are right it might help. What’s helped me most is talking about it to the people who matter most to me (which is very much not family) and knowing that whatever I end up doing I’ve got their support. Also (sorry to assume but you sound young-) I’ve found identity-stuff gets easier with age.
I guess what I’m trying to say is whatever you end up feeling you ‘are’, you’re not alone.
Perhaps some of my experiences could help? I identify as agender, and one of the biggest feelings I get with that is, I don’t understand gender. It caused a lot of issues figuring out what I am because I just don’t get how “being a girl” or “being a guy” feels. I can’t really relate, and it took a while for me to be able to put words to that.
You asked for clarification on gender identity and gender expression. Identity is who you are. It’s how you perceive yourself, and how you relate to the idea of gender. Example; I don’t relate to gender, and my identity is agender.
Expression is how you present yourself to the world within the context of gender. It’s what you like to wear, and how you like to look. Example: I like wearing men’s clothing, binding, generally looking masculine. Doesn’t mean I’m a man-it’s just how I like to look.
For the experience of not really giving a shit about gender, I’ve heard words like “gendermeh” and “genderfuck” thrown around, so those may be things you want to look up. From your confusion about why you enjoy wearing men’s clothes, maybe look up bigender or genderqueer? Expression is fairly separate from identity, but the two can sometimes be linked.
I wish you the best of luck, friend!
I really want to thank everyone who’s commented on this so far. I’m replying to my own post because I didn’t want to clog up the comments section by replying to everyone, even though I wish I could if only for a thank you, but just know this “thank you” really does go out to everyone!
I tried out some of your suggestions and played with others in my head. I’ve found that I really do enjoy having she/her pronouns, but it still feels like it’s due to familiarity rather than a set-in-stone indication for my gender, as my gender-expression is pretty much everywhere. The clarification of gender-expression and gender-identity has helped a lot too, and I don’t feel as self-conscious that the clothes that I wear has to mean something other than it’s what makes me feel comfortable and happy.
I really did have the same sort of Click/Aha! moments when I looked up demigirls and that very well might be what I am, but I’ve found much more overwhelming comfort in the reassurance that I don’t need to have a concrete idea of what I am to be happy and that I really am not alone.
I think that’s what has helped me the most here, and you all have no idea how not only telling me that I’m not alone has helped, but also sharing your stories of similar experiences really helps to make me feel it.
Seriously, thank you all for your comfort and support on something that, although fortunate enough to have accepting family and friends, never really understood what I was going through.
I also want to thank Tab for even addressing these sort of things so I could be confident enough to talk about them in the first place, even if it’s indirectly or not.
Thank you, thank you, thank you <3
I don’t mean to get off topic, but what is this Sir Fabulous poster I see? O_O
That was also my first thought. And it looks just great!
One of the things I want to do AT (After Thesis) is try making some binders. Because the bloody things are expensive and it seems like a lot of work-arounds people come up with are dangerous. I’d like to put some simple instructions for sewing safe ones online- I’ve got a couple of ideas for patterns to try and I’m looking forward to giving em a go.
I’m a transguy and I’m post op on top. When I was pre op I only binded maybe twice and I found uncomfortable (I chafed and stuff). I had a small chest so instead of binding I would wear a sports bra, then a sleeveless top, then a baggy shirt that had a flannel like patten. In the colder weather I would add another layer and wear my oversize jacket. I was like to make my chest look nonexistent or at least make it look like I had man boob.
I get inside a small underwork every morning of my life and it’s not that hard O___o putting them up from the bottom, like a skirt, is actually rather easy (a little tricky by the hips but anyhow, I get by) I even have to fold them so they’ll fit right all through the day. Uncomfortable though, that’s true, but some things can’t be helped, and they work well, I can’t complain.
I put mine on over my head. I could never do the over hips thing although i tried it that way once. Now that i put it on a few times it just slips right on. IT takes 3 minutes to take off though.
What is “soc?”
Standard shortening for ‘society’ in English universities. Ie Game soc, Sci fi soc, Anime soc, Lacrosse soc etc (bigger sports and it’ll be a particular team, religious societies tend to be called by other names as do political and LGBT+ groups)
My former uni has a Cocktails Society, I’ll let you work out what we shorten that one to. There’s also the music appreciation society, aka Rock Soc.
That said, as the uni’s initials are BU, we also legitimately have BUST (Student Theatre), BUSMS (Student Musicals Society), BUMS (Maths Soc), BUTTS (TableTop Society)…
Tab, thank you for giving us all a place to be us, here in your comments section.
I love your comic, and get a lot out of it. This is the first comic I’ve ever read where I get so much out of the comic and somehow get even MORE out of the comments section.
I don’t … have enough places to just BE in meatspace. You’ve created a real gem here. Thank you so so much.
Respect to my transbrothers (probably not a term but whatever) out there. As a busty cis-woman, I can’t imagine how painful it must be. I respect who you are and what you are doing. (I hope that came out right.)
I JUST noticed the poster