Shades After 053
Some people might think running to the bathroom is the cowardly way out of an argument, but there is something to be said for beating a retreat so you can come back and not say something you regret.
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Ouch… sounds like he already said something he might end up regretting.
Looks to me like he regretted it instantly.
saying the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong style, in true anwar fashion.
Ouch, Anwar! Way to hit a guy where it hurts most. :(
Ohhh Anwar no. 8(
No, bad Anwar, bad. -grabs squirt bottle-
At least it looks like he didn’t leave Chris’ like I originally thought was the case…
But, bad Anwar indeed! That is not what you wanna say you to your boyfriend! *sigh* Hopefully they can sit this out without too Kent bruised feelings… So far, Chris just seems stuck on mute….
*facepalm* No no no no NO, Anwar. One does not grab a gift one has just refused and abscond to the toilet!
In truth, I am A-OK with removing yourself from the situation, organizing your thoughts, and returning. Bathroom seems like a bad choice, though, if only because there’s that one exit. No choice but to go out and face the music, then!
Unless there’s a tiny window to climb out ala Kate Micucci.
He is using the gift while refusing it, meanwhile blocking Chris out of his own bath? There must be a logic in it. Somewhere. In another universe. Or so.
When Anwar has finished behaving like a teenager, perhaps he could use the laptop to write an apology? Chris has earned it, for sure
I feel like it’s to show that, despite the fact that Anwar’s technically an adult, when it comes to relationships, he’s very, *very* inexperienced.
Well Chris really seem like his first serious relationship after JayDee
Logical: He needed to get away, and fast – he doesn’t want to witness Chris’ reaction. (The original Mr. Grey would have been violent after such an insult, but I doubt Chris would). What to do with the laptop? Even though he refused it, he couldn’t just drop it. Handing it back to Chris would have required an extra action.
The bathroom is a safer escape than just running out of the door, where Chris could follow him.
Also, blogging for Anwar is a coping mechanism that helps him asses his thoughts.
Heres the logic: Anwar is an antisocial derp who doesnt care about anyone but himself, and uses his sexual orientation or lack therof as a crutch for any and all erratic behavior.
Whouch, that’s a really bitter statement o.o I can understand not liking Anwar but, jeez, that’s some serious resentment you’ve got going on. It feels like the only person blaming his behavior on his orientation (or “lack therof”) is you, to be honest…
Isn’t he a teenager?
Oh Anwar. I get why he’s freaking out, considering the last conversation with his mom, but jeeeeeez. Way way out of line.
Anwar, there’s this thing called “tact”. You might want to take a few lessons in it. It prevents bruised feelings, stares of horror, and relationship rifts among other painful things.
Poor sods. I can’t imagine what Chris is going through right now. Maybe brewing up and sitting at the kitchen table while carefully choosing his words for when Anwar emerges.
It used to be you could run away and simmer down after an argument, but not anymore. Now if you try to walk away the darned thing will follow you via text, Facebook, e-mail…
I think Anwar’s words came out badly and he realized he’d said something wrong, but couldn’t think of how to say it right, so he hid. Chris has been really patient with Anwar so far, (A little more patient than Anwar probably deserved sometimes) so while I can see him being hurt, I can also see him patiently waiting for Anwar to come out and basically going, “So I know what you MEANT, but that is also VERY WRONG for my situation and you hurt my feelings, but now that you’ve had time to think about what you’re really trying to say, can we have this conversation again?” At least, that’s what I’d do.
Seems like Anwar gets a lot of passes from Chris in this relationship. Not sure what keeps Chris hanging in there…
A lot of people are leaving comments that basically boil down to “Anwar needs to learn to think a little first and hoyl cow Chris has been way more patient than anyone should be.”
And I can understand where they’re coming from, but… well, I’m basically an Anwar. I’m an asexual in my first serious relationship, and my Chris is the exact opposite. I’ve done a million things wrong and said just as many wrong things, and he’s been nothing but patient with me. It’s one thing to know how to treat people, it’s another thing to know how to react when you’re in very new territory with someone who makes you feel feelings that you could never even have fathomed. Inexperienced aces that tumble into serious relationships are typically very, very good at getting a great deal of things wrong. And if it weren’t for patient, loving, kind people, we’d never have relationships long enough to learn better.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and some change now, and the person I am now is vastly different from the person I was then. It’s a learning process with a steep slope, and it’s a TERRIFYING process. It can be overwhelming. You don’t know how to express your positive feelings, you don’t know how to control your negative feelings. It honestly takes the patience and honesty of the other person to guide you in the right direction. We know we make mistakes, but we don’t know how to fix them. If the other person in the relationship decides to get angry, or react badly back, even though they know better (and we don’t), things just aren’t going to work. If they remain calm and patient, and let us know flat-out how that made them feel and if they are willing to help us fix it, that’s the encouragement we need to apologize, to grow, to get better at the whole “relationship” thing.
TL;DR?
Did Anwar react in a way he shouldn’t have, an inadvertently hurt Chris’ feelings? Yes. Is Chris unreasonably patient? Yes. Anwar isn’t knocking Chris around and Chris isn’t a fool – if Anwar really meant these things I don’t think Chris would still be around. But it’s all just an honest lack of experience, and it hurts both parties equally. But both of them are wiling to put the effort in to make this relationship work, and I have faith that it will.
Somehow, I feel like Anwar is writing to Chris, ON the laptop. Maybe when his thoughts are in order, he can just step out, give back the laptop and tell him to read. I think it’s a good way to defuse a situation.
I dont see how what Anwar said has anything to do with being asexual. He shouldn’t get a special pass on saying assholish things because hes “different.” Honestly, Anwar is kind of an immature dick that is socially inept and honestly, more selfish than almost any other character I have seen Tab write about. Its fine not to accept the laptop as an extravagant gift, per se, but what kind of idiot would insult someone and think themselves so valueless that they are a paid sex toy? I think Chris should stop wasting his time with a childish prat and move onto better things.
This is high school bullshit.
I tried the hold retreat thing once with my mum when I was a teenage. I told her I was to upset with her to talk to her without yelling and would come back when I was more calm…..
yeah.
Okay, I’m not saying Anwar handled this perfectly, but you guys are giving him a WHOLE lotta hate for something that was clearly spur-of-the-moment, absolutely not what he meant, in response to something that we’ve already established was somewhat out-of-line from Chris. Sure, Chris doesn’t know what’s been going on with Anwar’s mother, but given how much pressure the poor boy is under to assure her that it’s a balanced relationship, it’s no wonder he panicked and said something stupid. If anything, this is out of fear that Chris will be judged negatively by other people, rather than Anwar’s own opinion.
I mean – really, Anwar gets a lot of hate for all his fuckups. Meanwhile, it’s worth remembering that other characters have done things like:
>Trying to influence someone into sexual acts using alcohol
>Trying to influence someone into sexual acts even when they said they didn’t want to
>Calling their trans friend a ‘guy’ – to the point of implying that it made her partner gay
>Stealing and reading their best friends’ diary
… And many things besides. Of course, in every single case, those characters had their reasons and realised that they had fucked up afterwards… So, I really don’t understand why people are so unforgiving of Anwar of all people. He has the bad fault of reacting poorly under pressure, but in comparison to some other characters, he’s been practically angelic.
I think part of the problem a lot of people are having here is that those characters were all clearly high school kids and in their minds, Anwar is not. A lot of people see adult hood as this instant on switch that once you hit that magical age, you should be mature and responsible and no longer able to make mistakes. Thing is, Anwar’s still really young and has no experience. Yes, what he said was wrong, but he clearly recognizes that. When someone Chris’s age decides to get into a relationship with someone that much younger, they have to know, going into things that there’s going to be some floundering and trying to figure out how to people.
Here’s another voice in the stop hating on Anwar-party. The situation is “my rich boyfriend is making me uncomfortable by giving me over the top presents, this does not feel right, but I don’t know how to handle it”. It’s OK to react first, think later, and then come back to talk about it. MUCH better than the other reaction – my gut is telling me something is wrong, but that is silly of me, let’s push that reaction down. That’s the first step to staying in an abusive relationship.
I’m not saying that Chris is abusive, I really hope he won’t be, but reacting on the small acts that establishes a power imbalance in a relationship is a good thing.
And, yeah, he can come out and apologize for his particular use of words later. And he probably will
PAINT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS TOOK A TURN